


You Are Where I Belong

by forevertrappedinthecloset



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Band, F/F, Rockstar AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3369344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forevertrappedinthecloset/pseuds/forevertrappedinthecloset
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Rockstar/Band AU. This fanfic will involve bits of Hollence, but it is a Hollstein fic. Please be advised, this fanfic will contain severe descriptions of depression and alcohol abuse, a few instances of emotional abuse, and one minor character death. It is a fanfic about choice and finding where you belong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regarding Surprisingly Cute English Lit T.A.'s and Leather Pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "She's So High" by Tal Bachman; "Anything Could Happen" by Ellie Goulding; "Whatever She's Got" by David Nail; and "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals. 
> 
> There are no warnings for this chapter.

“Silas University in picturesque Styria where nothing, not even the homecoming goat sacrifice disturbs the pursuit of knowledge. But under the surface of this placid institute of higher learning, you'll find mystery after mystery. Just last week, students using the catalog reported a search window claiming it was lost, begging for help to find Dudley Chapel, which burnt down in 1904. So? Harmless prank? Or terrifying mystery waiting to be uncovered?”

Laura Hollis raised her eyebrow as she looked directly into her laptop's webcam for what must have been the fifth time. She actually felt satisfied with that take. Although “take” might suggest she was filming her journalism project like a movie, that was definitely not the case. She was a future journalist, not actress; she just wanted to get off on the right foot. True, this was only meant to be an introduction video, but Laura put as much effort as she could into everything.

It was her first full week of college, and Professor Cochrane had advised her class not to put this project off. This, of course, meant that Laura started right away. It had taken her about two days to figure out exactly what she wanted to report on. She had considered, though briefly, documenting the relationship of her best friends, LaFontaine and Perry, but decided that probably wasn't academic enough. She had even entertained the possibility of only turning her webcam on when her roommate, Betty Spielsdorf, was actually present, but then she would have to turn in absolutely nothing. (Betty was a bit of a party animal.) Finally, the answer hit her in the face, quite literally, when her T.A. knocked her over and told her what had happened with the catalog. Laura Hollis' journalism project would detail the absolute insanity that was this university.

“Don't get me wrong,” she continued with her train of thought, “Silas is a ridiculously prestigious school, and I was lucky to even be considered, but I guess I assumed there would be less rituals and more study groups.” Laura trailed off for a second before her brown eyes lit up again. “Speaking of studying...” There was an undeniable grin across her face now. “My surprisingly cute English Lit T.A is coming over in a few minutes. My dad said I should take advantage of all the academic opportunities Silas offers, so I invited her over to discuss my notes on _Beowulf_.”

From the shelf behind her bed, Laura heard her phone buzz. She stood up, allowing the camera to finally view how short she was, and rushed over, flipping the screen open and doing a quick scan. “She's on her way,” Laura announced as she suddenly began to panic. “Crap, crap, crap! Umm...”

Quite comically, Laura started making her bed and straightening the few dishes that hadn't been cleaned before dashing back to her laptop.

“Right, so I'm gonna go change,” Laura clicked a few tabs closed before looking back into her webcam. She couldn't figure out what to say and ended up simply stopping the recording without saying anything. She could always film a conclusion later if she really wanted to.

Laura wasn't quite sure what she should do. She was about to have a girl in her room, something that had never happened to her before. Okay, that wasn't exactly true, but all the girls Laura had had in her room were her friends. Danny was practically a stranger, and she felt determined to make a good first impression. Not to mention the incredibly overwhelming fact that Danny gave Laura butterflies in her stomach. Like, 15 year old, high school crush butterflies. That was definitely new.

It was always harder to pick out an outfit when you didn't know what you were trying to dress for. Laura could not decide what she wanted to happen with Danny. She had read lots of fanfics where the characters dressed very provocatively, and she was nowhere near that point yet; she didn't want to look “cute” because that word made her feel too young; she kept pulling out clothes that didn't feel quite right for one reason or another, and finally, Laura threw on a button-down blue shirt and jeans. Her decision was mostly caused by the knock on her door that forced her to awkwardly, and with little to no grace, yank her jeans up and her shirt over her head. Very uncharacteristically, Laura threw her dirty clothes in her dresser and turned to face the door.

Never had a doorknob seemed so daunting, but Laura did not have time to get wrapped up in her nerves because she had already reached out and pulled the door open. She did this a little too quickly and ended up ramming her back against the shelf behind it, but she did her best to act as if this hadn't happened.

“Hey Danny,” greeted Laura with faint tints of pink already warming her cheeks. Her eyeline moved from Danny's chest, where it normally fell, up almost a foot to catch long red hair, a freckled nose, light blue eyes, and a beautiful smile. Yep, there were those stupid butterflies.

“Hey, sorry it took me so long to get over here. Those Zeta morons are really trying to get themselves killed this year.” Laura stepped to the side so Danny could walk in.

“No, that's totally fine. I had a few more things to do anyway.” Laura pulled her backpack onto her bed and invited the other girl to sit down, which she did, moving back against the wall, her long legs still managing to dangle slightly over the edge of Laura's sheets. Laura did her best not to notice that Danny was wearing shorts, that her slender legs were bare and smooth, that Danny Lawrence was sitting on her bed, that _Danny Lawrence_ was sitting on _her_ bed.

Helplessly, the smaller girl paused and looked up only to get caught in Danny's gaze. A few sounds escaped her throat before Danny laughed. “Are you okay, Laura?”

“Um, yeah, totally. Why wouldn't I be?” She started digging through her backpack before finally locating _Beowulf_. By this time, her cheeks were so warm they could easily be bright red. She bit her lip before hopping up next to Danny, settling a few inches away. She was careful not to get too close, though this was the closest they had ever been to each other.

“So did you have any questions about the book?” Danny asked.

“Not really. There was this one part I was really confused by.” Laura started flipping through her book, and suddenly, Danny was pressed against her right side, leaning over. Her hair fell so that it was touching Laura's neck, and though it tickled, Laura did not move one inch. She somehow managed to find the right page despite the fact that her heart was beating abnormally fast. “Here it is,” she pointed to the line. “This whole section.”

“Oh yeah, I remember this. It was _so_ confusing the first time I read it.” Laura couldn't help but love how smart Danny was. She was a junior, so she was probably supposed to be this smart, but every time she spoke in class, Laura could only find herself in awe. “So usually when I'm having troubles understanding something, I read it out loud to myself. Is it cool if I – ” Danny reached out for Laura's book, and the smaller girl nodded, handing it over.

“ _Then string and song sounded together before Healfdene's Helper-in-battle_...” Danny started to read. Laura found herself mesmerized, closing her eyes and leaning her head back. She tried to listen to the actual story, to the words, but all she found herself hearing was Danny's voice, the way it sounded, like the most beautiful music she had ever heard. She was reading for a good five minutes before her voice suddenly stopped, and Laura opened her eyes, not wanting to be caught. “Did that help?” Danny asked.

“Not really,” Laura admitted. “But thanks for trying. You're really good at...” The end of her sentence faded into nothing because she had no idea how to finish it. Speaking? Being literate? Existing? “Reading,” she finished poorly.

“Sure,” replied Danny with a small chuckle. “Any time.” She slid Laura's book back into its owner's lap before continuing. “Basically, Hrothgar is telling this story to Beowulf after he defeats Grendel. My understanding is that Finn, who is king of these Frisian guys, defeated the Danes, and during this battle, killed the Danish leader. So the Danes and the Frisians make a truce, but what really sucks is that this chick Hildeburh, who is married to Finn, was the sister of the Danish king, and not only did her brother die in this battle, so did her son. After a really shitty winter together, the Danes are sick of the Frisians, so there's some more fighting, and Finn ends up dead, and Hildeburh is taken back to the Danes.”

“Ohhh,” Laura breathed. “That makes so much more sense now. Danny, you are  _brilliant_.” It is only after she says this that Laura realizes that might be a little too eager, but the other girl is clearly much smoother than she is.

“I like the sound of that,” she smirks, and the way she's looking at Laura makes her heart stop beating altogether. “Did you need help with anything else?”

“I don't think so, but that's cool. We don't have to talk about homework. You're in the Summer Society, right?”

“Yeah,” Danny's eyes light up proudly. “We host the school's annual Adonis festival and hunt. There are a lot of badass women involved. You should come to one of our meetings.”

Laura rolled her eyes, glancing back at Danny skeptically. “Thanks, but I'm not really a badass.”

“Are you kidding?” Danny laughed. “You're so cool and smart and brave. That's what being badass is all about.”

“I thought it was about beating people up and not caring what anyone thinks. At least, that's what I've seen in movies.”

“No way, Hollis. Being a badass is about using what makes you unique to help others, and not being afraid to be yourself. Like how in class, you always help all the other students before I get a chance, and you don't let the assholes who make fun of you get under your skin. That's totally badass.”

“Well, you would know, Lawrence,” Laura replied, teasing her slightly, though her insides were threatening to explode. Had Danny been watching her do all of that? She never seemed to notice when Danny was looking at her. She always ended up looking at Danny while her eyes were somewhere else.

Neither one of them seemed to know what to do with themselves at this point, both staring around the room, but Laura was very aware that she was touching Danny. If she moved her hand just to the right, she could feel Danny's, which was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. But it seemed so far away, so impossible.

“Hey, this has been great, but I really gotta go. I'm supposed to go with my friend to dinner. She won't eat alone, and if I don't go, she won't eat.” Danny broke the silence. “I'm sorry, it's just – ”

“No, that's fine, that sounds like an important situation. It's really amazing, as in just an amazing person who helps people, that sort of thing.”

Danny started to slide off the bed, and part of Laura felt like maybe the older girl wanted to get out of here. Had she done something stupid? Acted like a loser freshman?

Well, it didn't matter. She liked Danny, and she wasn't going to give up. “Hey, if you wanna come back later, I'm having a Harry Potter marathon with Perry and LaFontaine.”

Danny stopped to look at Laura for a second. “LaFontaine?” she asked.

“Yeah, is that a problem?” Most people tended to be very opinionated about LaFontaine, and if Danny answered wrong, Laura's crush would float away faster than she could blink. Even if they hadn't been best friends for so long, Laura would still feel just as protective of LaFontaine, of anyone like them.

“No, it's just – I don't think they like me very much.” Her breath flew out in a stream of relief. Danny used the right pronoun, and instantly, she became more relaxed. “I would love to come though.”

“Great,” Laura beamed up at her as Danny started moving towards the door. “We're starting at seven, so any time you want to stop by is cool.”

Danny was looking at her again, and Laura really wanted to hug her, but she figured they weren't close enough for that yet. She almost went for some form of a handshake, but it seemed to come across as a sign that Danny should leave because she was moving towards the door.

Before she left, Danny turned and said, “If you ever need any more help, just let me know, okay?” That was probably a good sign.

“I will. Thanks a lot, Danny.”

They smiled; it seemed to be a natural reaction to being around each other, that and not breathing. As soon as Laura closed the door, she leaned back against it, unable to feel Danny doing the same thing on the other side.

* * *

Laura looked down at her shopping list one more time.

Grape Soda  
Cookies  
Popcorn  
Tampons

She was pretty sure she had thought of everything she could need, but there was still that lurking feeling that she was missing something. It was driving her crazy.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed from the crevices of her pocket, and Laura pulled it out to see a text from LaFontaine.

 **LaF:** _Please don't forget band-aids. If I fall in your bathroom again, I expect more than a wet napkin this time, Hollis._

 _Of course! Band-Aids, Laura,_ she scolded herself. How could she have forgotten about them? The first time the three friends had had a movie marathon, LaF's accident-prone self had hit their head on Laura's sink and come out with their forehead bleeding. Naturally, Perry had flipped, leaping off of Laura's bed to LaFontaine's rescue with a slew of adorable nicknames. To be fair, Laura knew that LaF was playing their injury up to get Perry's attention. They did that a lot; it was kind of the cutest thing Laura had ever seen.

 **Laura:** _As a matter of fact, I would have forgotten them completely if it wouldn't have been for your text. Thanks for the perfectly-timed reminder._  
**LaF:** _I do what I can._

Laura couldn't help but smile to herself as she threw a U By Kotex box in her basket, moving down the aisles until she reached the Band-Aids. For good measure, Laura bought three boxes. 240 should be enough for LaF to exaggerate as many injuries as they pleased.

Her phone started to buzz again.

 **LaF:** _Hurry up. I finished my homework and Perry is trying to teach me how to sew._  
**Laura:** _You know you don't care as long as Perry's the one teaching._  
**Laura:** _I'll be back soon._  
**LaF:** _-_- You're hilarious, Hollis._  
**LaF:** _But still right._

Laura had now reached the food section of the store; she knew it like the back of her hand. Aisle six for cookies, five for popcorn, two for soda.

In less than two minutes, she was heading back to the check-out, but out of the corner of her eye, something made her stop. There was a woman standing in the book section, her fingers running over the covers of each novel. All it took was one look for Laura to almost drop her precious grape soda. It was like someone was holding her head in place; nothing could get her to stop staring.

Black hair fell over her shoulders, and almost as if she wanted to torture Laura further, she ran her pale hand through it, strands moving with her fingers like ocean waves. Perfect teeth clenched her bottom lip idly. Her small black shirt clung to the top of her chest, and Laura watched the way it moved, slow and steady. She could see her waist. Why did she want to touch it? The icing on the already sexy cake was her black leather pants. Laura had never witnessed this phenomenon in real-life, but in this moment, it was the most important invention known to mankind. Interestingly enough, thick sunglasses covered the woman's eyes, and Laura wondered whether she might be blind. Why else would somebody wear sunglasses inside? There were probably other reasons, but she couldn't think of them right now.

Her feet were pulling her towards this stranger helplessly, and she tried to make them stop, but she did not try as hard as she could have. She found herself in the same aisle now, but clearly, that was not enough. She was only a few steps away, and Laura had no idea what to do. She hadn't seemed to have thought farther than getting as close as she could. Her eyes were doing her no favors either, unable to tear themselves away. Her features were so flawless it made her actually consider the possibility of God for a second. How else could someone so beautiful exist?

“Like what you see, cutie?”

Panic alarms started going off in Laura's brain. Of course she had seen her staring like a total creeper. She had the subtlety of a drunk one-legged giraffe. And she wasn't blind. That was important to grasp before Laura started making an even bigger idiot of herself.

“Uh – no, I just – I mean, not no, but – you – you're – I'm Laura.”

The other girl looked like she was holding back a laugh as she turned to face Laura, her arms dangling by her sides. “And is there a reason you're looking at me like that?” Her eyebrows perked up expectantly. They were flawless too, not one tiny hair out of place. Laura didn't even know that that was possible.

“I may have thought you were blind,” she admitted, deciding that was better than the truth.

Once again, a smirk slipped across her face. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart.” She turned back to look at the books again, and Laura thought that might be a sign for her to leave. But she wasn't sure, so she stayed. It was hard to explain, but she couldn't help it.

“So why _are_ you wearing sunglasses inside?” she asked, picking up _The Fault in Our Stars_ and idly flipping through the pages.

“Well,” she paused, teasing Laura with the way she delivered her words. It sounded like she had just woken up, but also as if she had lived for hundreds of years. Laura had no choice but to listen, and there was nothing else she would rather do. “Sometimes, grown-ups like to go out at night and have a little fun. And sometimes, they have a little too much fun.” She lifted her sunglasses, perking them up above her bangs, and winked at Laura, whose heart almost leapt into the other girl's hands. Her eyes were so dark, though not the bad kind of dark, the warm kind, like when a fireplace is just about to go out. There was light there; you just had to search for it.

“Oh,” somehow managed to fall out of her mouth. “That's cool. My roommate Betty is always out at parties too.”

The dark-haired mystery started walking away from the books now, brushing past Laura and giving her a whiff of perfume. Almost like a loyal puppy, Laura followed her. “So why aren't you with this Betty now? It's a Friday night, isn't it? Shouldn't you be out having fun?”

“I'm going to have fun. It'll just take place in the safety and sobriety of my dorm room. Betty took me to one of her parties last week, and it was just sex-crazed, drunk frat boys, desperate, drunk sorority girls, and music that was comprised of the same beat repeated 300 times.”

“Well, that's too bad, cupcake. It sounds like your friend doesn't know how to have a good time.”

Laura rolled her eyes, though she agreed whole-heartedly. “College definitely isn't turning out quite like I thought it would.”

They had reached the express check-out lanes much too quickly, and there was no logical reason why Laura shouldn't leave this woman she had only just met and start getting out of here. It was already quarter to seven, and she still had to walk back to school. But even if Laura's reason wasn't logical, this girl was still a good enough reason.

“You know, if you want to have a real college experience, you should come to this party tomorrow night. With me.” She said it suddenly, without blushing or stuttering, almost as if she had sensed that Laura was thinking about saying goodbye.

“I – I don't know. I just met you, and I don't even know your name. My dad would kill me if I did something like that.”

Laura watched her expression shift to read _Seriously?_ “You can bring your pepper spray if that will make you feel better.” Laura still bit her lip, hardly believing that she was considering this in the first place. “It's not going to be very different from your roommate's parties, but I'll make sure you have a good time.”

There was something about that promise that gave her goosebumps. Confidence leaked out of this girl like radiation, and Laura was so infected with it, she doubted she could resist much longer.

“I'll tell you what. If you come, I'll tell you my name. You can think of it as your reward.” Reward sounded so dirty for some reason, but Laura could hardly think about that. She couldn't remember if she was opposed to dirty.

“Sure, okay, I'll come,” she broke immediately.

The girl didn't say anything. She just pulled a pen out of her pocket and reached into Laura's basket, pulling out the box of Band-Aids. “Umm ... what the hell are you doing?” Laura asked as she popped open the box and pulled one small Band-Aid out. “I think you're supposed to pay before you open the box.” She watched the pen move across the surface, and finally, the girl shoved it forward.

Laura took it and read it slowly. “8 o'clock. 12808 Carter's Crossing.” She looked back up, shoving it into her pocket. “Is that it?”

“That's it. I guess I'll see you then, cutie.”

“I guess you will.”

Sunglasses slid back over those eyes, and a devilish smirk made Laura stand still as the girl turned away and walked towards the door.

It took a moment for her to recover, and she started checking out as quickly as she could. In an effort to get her money out of her pocket, the Band-Aid fluttered onto the floor. Laura bent to pick it up and read something on the back she hadn't noticed the first time.

_Wear something nice ;)_

Laura's cheeks had never been as red as they were in this moment.  

* * *

 

“What took you so long?” LaF demanded as soon as Laura opened the door. She was fifteen minutes late. LaFontaine had already set up the movie, their laptop resting on a stool in front of Betty's bed. The main menu was on loop; Laura could recognize the music. Perry stood up from her place on Laura's sheets and grabbed the popcorn.

“Sorry, I got held up. But I'm here now, and I'm totally ready to get my Hogwarts on.”

She opened two cans of soda and set them on the shelf above her bed. LaF took theirs right away, leaning against the wall and letting Perry slide next to them again.

Laura hit play and jumped up next to Perry with her cookies. “Oh crap!” she exclaimed almost immediately after the title flashed across the screen.

“What?!” Perry exclaimed, sitting straight up, looking around the room for a giant bug or a fire.

“No, it's – I invited Danny,” she burst out. LaFontaine groaned quietly and leaned further into Laura's shelf. “I know, I know,” Laura said before they could say anything. “But she used the right pronoun, and I really really like her, okay?”

LaFontaine looked at Laura almost as if they wanted to argue, but Perry put a hand on their arm and gave them a look, and with a small sigh, they said, “Fine.”

Laura breathed out. “Thanks...”

Perry slowly got up and paused the movie. “What the hell?” LaF asked. “Perry, you cannot pause a movie two minutes after it starts.”

“I can do what I want, sweetie. You cannot be mean to your friend's possible future girlfriend because eighteen months ago, that girl happened to knock over your test tubes in science class.”

“She ruined the entire experiment!” LaF was clearly failing to understand why this wasn't a big deal to anyone else.

“I know, but try not to talk about that tonight, okay? You just watch Harry Potter until you can't watch Harry Potter anymore.”

Laura felt terrible as she watched the battle on LaF's face. Clearly, they had to decide between two of the most important things to them: Perry and science. Or was it between Laura and science? It didn't matter; she still felt guilty.

“Okay, okay, Perr, can you just play the movie now and get back over here?” LaFontaine asked. Perry seemed satisfied enough with this to press play again and crawl back up to LaF.

Laura mumbled a “Sorry, LaF, if I'd known you didn't like her, I wouldn't have invited her.”

LaFontaine shook their head and threw a piece of popcorn at Laura's face. “No, Perr's right, Harry Potter is an acting truce for all disagreements. I can be an adult as long as no one pauses the movie again.” They looked at Perry, who shook her head, pressing a small kiss to LaF's cheek.

They watched the movie quietly for a while. LaF and Perry were clearly as into it as always, but Laura couldn't help but be distracted, and not by Danny, which is what she would have expected, but by the girl she had met at the store. She tried not to think about her; she really did. She knew she liked Danny more than she would have thought possible. But she just kept going back to that smirk and those _pants_. Her mind kept rereading _Wear something nice_ and seeing that wink that made her blush. She had never liked two women before. She had hardly ever liked _one_ woman. But she knew that liking Danny was based on actually having known her, having spent time with her; whereas this other girl was just a fantasy, almost as if she couldn't quite exist in Laura's world. She had no place being in Laura's head.

Danny Lawrence. She liked Danny Lawrence. Laura liked everything about Danny, and now that she was thinking of her, Laura started to fear that Danny wasn't going to show up. The first movie had ended, it was already close to 10 o'clock, and Danny still wasn't here.

Perry could see her getting tense and kept trying to give her more grape soda, which Laura ended up taking for her nerves, except caffeine never calmed anything down, which is what she realized when her foot started bouncing up and down on the bed as soon as Colin Creevey was petrified.

Finally, Laura was saved by a knock on the door; however, as soon as she realized who could be behind that door, she looked at LaF with panic all over her face. “Well, I'm not getting up,” they laughed.

“Right, okay.” Laura stood up. “Is the room clean?”

“The room's fine, Laura,” Perry nodded.

“Do I look okay?”

Perry stood up to LaF's disgruntlement. She quickly fixed Laura's hair, and there was another knock.

“Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,” she mumbled, and Perry grabbed her shoulders.

“Laura, everything is fine.” Laura nodded along with her, trying to keep her cool. “Now answer the door before she goes away.”

Perry gave her a little push, and Laura took a deep breath before turning the doorknob and pulling it open slowly. “Hey Danny,” she greeted with a smile.

“Hey,” she said in reply, a broad grin stretched over her face. “Sorry I'm late, emergency Summer Society meeting. Have I missed too much?”

“No, we're, like, halfway through _Chamber of Secrets_. Come on in. Do you want any grape soda?”

“I'm okay,” she stepped inside, still wearing the same shorts. Laura had no idea how she was going to handle that through six and a half more movies. She had changed her shirt, though, and it looked like she had showered. Her hair was wet, and she kept running her fingers through it. She was wearing a white shirt with red sleeves that didn't quite cover her long arms. It was crazy how long her arms were, and Laura suddenly found herself wanting to be wrapped up in them. However, what caught her attention most was that the bottom of Danny's shirt was wet; it was sticking to her stomach, and Laura could see her abs underneath. Her breath caught in her throat.

“Hey Perry, LaFontaine,” Danny waved awkwardly, and Perry nodded. With a little encouragement, LaF did too, even managing to throw in a small smile. Laura sat back down next to Perry and patted the spot beside her, looking at Danny cautiously.

The girl sat next to her like they had been sitting before. Except now there were two other people on the bed, and for some reason, that made Laura feel like they were closer. Danny clearly looked uncomfortable; she was so tall after all. Laura had no idea how to fix this problem, but Danny got an idea after they started _Prisoner of Azkaban_.

“Hey,” Danny whispered in her right ear.

“Yeah?” Laura turned toward her slowly, trying not to breathe in the smell of her shampoo.

“Do you wanna sit in between my legs?” She said it so casually, it was almost as if she were trying to kill Laura.

“I – uh – is that okay?” She could feel her heart racing.

“Of course,” Danny nodded, and somehow, through a series of ridiculous maneuvers, Laura managed to make it in between Danny's legs. She didn't know where to put any parts of her body, so she just sat there with her arms wrapped around her knees, and that was okay for now.

She tried to focus on the movie, but she had seen it a hundred times, and this was the first time she'd been between a girl's legs, even if it wasn't the typical way to go about that sort of thing. It was impossible not to notice the way Danny breathed. She could feel it ever so slightly on the back of her neck, and it smelled like pink lemonade.

It was about 12:30 when she started to get tired, the grape soda finally wearing off. She felt her head nodding forward against her knees, and she was almost out when two hands gently touched her waist. “Laura?” Danny whispered. She was close again. So close.

Laura felt herself being pulled back and didn't bother fighting or asking why, because Danny was touching her, wrapping those long arms around her so that she could lean against her chest. She tried not to fall asleep; she wanted to remember this, the importance of every breath knowing that she was breathing in rhythm with Danny. She could feel it.

But it was so easy. Danny was warm, and Danny was so comfortable, and Danny was playing with her hands.

The last thing Laura was aware of before she let herself sleep was that she thought she could feel Danny's nose buried in her hair.

* * *

 

Laura had been asleep for an hour now. _Prisoner of Azkaban_ had just ended, and it was only a little after two. Danny didn't want to move. If she moved, Laura could wake up, and she looked so peaceful curled up against her chest.

LaFontaine seemed to be thinking along the same lines. Perry had fallen asleep before Laura, wrapped under a blanket with LaFontaine. Neither of them were speaking to each other, and neither wanted to get up to change the movie.

Danny looked at LaF and caught the look she was so used to, but there was something different there this time. She saw them looking at Laura and back up at Danny. Finally, the tall girl mouthed, “What?”

“You better take care of her,” LaF replied, so quietly it was almost impossible to hear. “She's much more valuable than some stupid test tubes.”

Danny glanced down at Laura and gripped her a little tighter. “I know,” she looked back at LaFontaine. “I won't let anything hurt her.”

“Good.”

The movie started again by itself, and Danny and LaFontaine didn't say one more word. LaF watched until the Fat Lady disappeared. Danny made it all the way through again before finally falling asleep at the end of the credits.


	2. Concerning Not-So-Real College Parties and Shimmering Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "Naive" by The Kooks; "Of the Night" by Bastille; "Nicotine" by Panic! at the Disco; "Intro" by The XX; and "Here with Me" by Susie Suh.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: mention of death, brief alcohol use

Waking up next to Danny Lawrence was something Laura would never have expected to happen. Not that it had exactly happened this morning either. It was more like waking up on top of Danny Lawrence. Her small bed was crowded with four bodies, each one looking more and more uncomfortable. LaF was curled up on Laura's pillow, their arm around Perry. Danny had toppled over and was resting on Perry's shoulder, feet dangling over the edge of Laura's sheets, and Laura was half-sitting against Danny's chest.

She had never been more uncomfortable. _Prisoner of Azkaban_ was still playing, probably on its fifth run at this point. Very cautiously, Laura stood up and stretched. She may have been sleeping with Danny, but her spine was not as content with this arrangement as her head was.

As she turned off LaF's laptop and returned the DVD to its case, she noticed that Betty was actually here, passed out on top of her comforter. She looked like a bit of a disaster, but she seemed to be having fun at these parties, so that was something. Laura wasn't one to judge as long as Betty was being careful.

Glancing at the clock to her right, Laura noticed that it was eight a.m., still pretty early. She was used to getting up this early for class, but she did it on the weekends too. It always made for a more productive day.

“Laura?” A voice mumbled from behind her, slurred with exhaustion, and the girl turned to see Danny standing up and stretching, the tips of her fingers brushing Laura's ceiling.

“I'm sorry, did I wake you up?” Laura couldn't help but smile. There was something about seeing Danny looking not-so-flawless that made her even more attractive. Her hair was disheveled and sticking up places, and her face was disfigured by a large yawn.

“No,” she yawned again. “I've been on and off since five.”

Laura's huge heart went out immediately, and her mouth muttered many apologies. “I'm so sorry. I didn't expect us all to fall asleep, and I certainly didn't expect to – um – fall asleep on top of you. Why didn't you wake me up? I would have gotten off you.”

Danny laughed, swiveling around to crack her back. “It's fine, Laura. I really don't – ” Another yawn cut off the end of her sentence.

“Danny, as the self-appointed president of the newly-formed sleep committee, it is my job to tell you you need to go take a long nap.” Laura tried a joke; she was never that good at them, so it made sense when Danny didn't laugh. Instead, her eyes softened, and she was looking at Laura with a smile that was not meant for words. “Now get moving before I have to push you all the way there.”

That made Danny laugh, and Laura had found her new favorite sound. “I'd like to see you try,” the taller girl replied. Laura crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows, daring her to make it happen, but Danny surrendered, putting a hand up to her forehead with an “Aye, aye, captain.”

She was so cute when she acted like a dork. Laura had never gotten the chance to see it before, but she figured this was just sleep deprivation. “I'm really glad you came,” she whispered before Danny could wrap her hand around the doorknob. Those blue eyes were back on hers before she had time to prepare herself. “It was really nice to have you – here – have you here.”

There was another smile, and it still looked beautiful even with exhausted, puffy eyes. “So we're gonna do this again, right?”

“Oh!” Laura didn't know why she was surprised by the question. “We can definitely do it again if you want. Maybe this time I'll actually stay awake.”

Danny raised her eyebrows. “I think you should set more realistic goals for yourself.”

Laura's mouth fell open a little, appalled that Danny would think that. She could totally stay up late! She had almost pulled an all-nighter once. “Well, you'll just have to come back, so I can prove you wrong.”

“If you really want me to,” she smirked, running her hand through her hair again. It was entirely too much for Laura to handle.

“I really want you to,” muttered the shorter girl before she even had time to think about how desperate that sounded.

Danny didn't move after that, and Laura didn't know if it was better or worse for her to have heard those words. Once again, they found themselves in an intense battle of trying to figure out what to say.

“Maybe this time I won't fall asleep on top of you,” joked Laura. She kept having to step closer because they were speaking quieter and quieter, not wanting to wake the others up. Not now. Not when they were alone. She was a foot away, and Laura wanted to be close to her again, wrapped up in her warmth.

“You know, Laura, I totally don't mind that you fell asleep on me, or that I didn't get that much sleep, so you don't have to feel bad. I had fun with you, and I would love it if, maybe one day, you'd fall asleep on me again.”

“I – I could do that.” It came out like a breath because Danny had stepped closer. And, you know, one step for Danny is like five for Laura, so she was right in front of her. She was looking at her, staring so deep into her eyes that everything else seemed to fade away.

It came at Laura so suddenly she got chills up and down her arms – a fear, a horrifying pit in the bottom of her stomach that told her everything could change, that scolded her about the lack of time she had for a relationship, that reminded her that Danny was amazing and she was, well, Laura, a little dorky freshman who still hadn't had a first kiss.

So when Danny leaned in, Laura panicked and went for a hug. She felt the tall girl stiffen in surprise, but she relaxed after a second and wrapped her arms around Laura as best as she could with the height difference. This was now the second time in her life that Laura thought she could feel Danny's nose in her hair.

“Well, I'll – I'll see you later,” the taller girl stuttered out as she pulled away, this time twisting the doorknob and walking out in one quick motion.

Laura let out the breath she'd been holding in for five minutes as soon as she was gone. It was not the way she would have wanted that to go, but she could get back from this. She just wasn't ready, and that was okay. Besides, Danny might have been going for a hug anyway, or a handshake. There was no reason to worry.

Anyways, more interesting things were going on than her awkward possible-dating life. She was going to what she hoped would be her first real college party tonight. She might even try a sip of beer if things got crazy enough, and she'd finally get to figure out what the hell was up with that girl from yesterday. She seemed like she would be good at dating; maybe she would be able to help Laura figure out what to do about Danny.

Laura had no idea how she was going to get through this without telling LaF or Perry, but she was sure as hell going to try. It wasn't that they would care that she was going to a party, but she knew they would ask about the girl. And Laura had no idea what to tell them.

In all honesty, what she was planning to do was entirely the opposite of what her father had taught her, and _almost_ entirely the opposite of what she usually did. She would much rather spend the night writing fanfiction or blogging than go out to a party.

But she was in college, and she was going to go to a real college party. It was part of a growing teenager's experience, and Laura wanted to experience it. That was the only reason she was going. Not because of a stranger, and not because of leather pants.

Well, partially because of leather pants.

* * *

Laura was staring hopelessly at the clothes laid out on her bed. She had absolutely no idea what to wear to this party. She had an outfit that she wore once two years ago which might still fit, but it seemed too formal for a college party. She was not going to wear clothes she wore at school because it seemed like admitting defeat for some reason. She was not going to text LaF, and Betty was still sleeping.

Slowly, she began to eliminate options, hanging many items back up until she found a white dress hiding underneath her onesie. Laura couldn't remember ever having worn it, and it did reveal a decent, but appropriate, amount of skin. It could work. Parts of it looked a little bit ridiculous, but it was the best thing she had.

She grabbed the hangar by the hook and headed back into the bathroom. There was still steam clinging to the mirror from her shower, and Laura could feel how warm she had left the room. She closed the door in case Betty woke up, hung her dress on the back of it, dropped her towel to the floor, and wiped the mirror clean.

The last time Laura had tried to use make-up was back in high school for a class presentation, and she thought about borrowing Betty's before deciding to go without it. Laura knew she wouldn't be able to wear a bra with this dress, and when she finally slipped it on, she felt a little bare. Only when she looked in the mirror did she realize that she kind of looked good. Her left shoulder was uncovered, and Laura swept her wet hair over it. It was pretty simple, but she liked it.

A knock on the door told her that Betty was awake and wanted to use the bathroom, and she pulled it open. Betty looked like hell, but when her eyes fell on Laura, they still managed to pop. “What are you wearing?” she asked. Laura tried not to make a face: her breath smelled like a dead cat.

“I'm going to a party, Betts,” she grinned after recovering from the stench. Laura decided that she could tell Betty. After all, she didn't hang out with LaF or Perry, and she was rarely conscious when they were around anyways.

Betty moved past her to take a seat on the toilet as Laura looked back at the mirror. “You look cute, roomie,” she yawned. “But I think you should let me try something with your hair.”

“What's wrong with my hair? I like it this way,” pouted the shorter girl as she turned to her roommate.

Rolling her eyes, Betty stood up, grabbed Laura's forearms and gently moved her so that they had now switched places. She started pulling open drawers and brought out a couple ponytail holders. Laura stayed put, fidgeting with the lace on her dress and tapping her fingers as Betty did her hair.

It didn't take nearly as long as Laura would have expected – hardly even five minutes – and Betty was tugging her up and putting her in front of the mirror. Yeah, this was much better. Her secret genius of a roommate had tied her hair back in a long ponytail, letting it rest on her bare shoulder. Along her forehead was a beautiful messy crown of braids. She had never really had anybody teach her how to do her hair after her mom died, and even before that, it had never been one of her interests. So when somebody actually did her hair, it made her feel beautiful, and it made Laura wish her mom was here to see it. She could picture it so clearly in her head, taking a selfie and sending it to her mom who'd say something like “Is that beautiful woman my daughter?” That was what she used to say when Laura would play dress-up. Or maybe “Jeez Laura, I'm out of it for a little while, and everyone gets delusions of grandeur!” Her mom loved _Star Wars_ , and there was hardly a day that went by that her mom didn't quote someone from a galaxy far far away.

 _Fuck,_ Laura thought. She didn't think about her mom. She wasn't supposed to think about her. Thinking about her was too hard, reminded her of all the crap she'd gone through, all the crap her dad had gone through, all the crap she'd put her dad through.

Laura reached out and grabbed the counter, her knuckles clenching against the edge. _Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it._

“Laura?” She hardly heard Betty's voice in the background. _Get a fucking grip, Laura._ Laura quickly ran her hands underneath her eyes and shook her head. She was going to a party. She was not going down memory lane. She doesn't go down memory lane anymore.

It didn't take long for her to get back into the moment. Laura was used to this, but it hadn't happened in a while.

“Laura, what the hell was that?” Betty asked.

“It was nothing, Betts. It's just – it's really pretty. You did a good job.” She stepped out into their room and started looking for anything she might need to take with her.

The blonde didn't seem to be buying her sudden change of attitude, but she didn't say anything else, deciding that it would be safer to change the subject. “So since when do you go to parties?” Betty asked, sitting back down on her bed.

Laura shrugged. “I don't know, I thought I might try it after the disaster you took me to last week.”

“Hey, that disaster got me laid,” Betty winked. “Maybe this party will get you laid.”

“Ew! Betty, I don't want to get laid. Besides, no one wants to – lay me anyway.” The shorter girl laughed, her mind flashing to the girl she met yesterday, though she had no idea why.

“Well, who invited you to this party? They might want to lay you.” She did not seem to be getting the hint.

“Please, I hardly even know the girl who invited me.” Laura realized as soon as she said the sentence just how messed up this sounded. Even Betty was looking at her like she was crazy, waiting for her to explain. “I met her at the store yesterday. She invited me to a party, and I – I said yes.”

“Laura Hollis!” Betty's jaw dropped, and her hand went to her chest in mock surprise, or exaggerated surprise. “This is so unlike you. She must be hot.”

“Uh – um – she's – that's not the point,” stuttered Laura, feeling even more flustered when Betty stood up and moved onto her bed with a huge laugh.

“So she is hot,” she nudged Laura's side. “But I thought you were dating that ginger skyscraper person.” Betty never remembered Danny's name, no matter how many times Laura reminded her.

But she liked Danny, so she would remind her every time. “Danny. Lawrence. Her name is Danny. Why can you never remember that?” Laura laughed.

“I was dropped on my head a lot as a child,” said Betty, as if it was no big deal.

“That's ridiculously unsettling,” Laura rolled her eyes. “Now, as much as I would love to correct you for the millionth time when you mess up the name of...” She trailed off, waiting for Betty to fill in the blank, who turned slowly and said, “Daisy?”

“I'm leaving,” Laura shot off the bed with a smirk. “You're ridiculous.” She grabbed her pepper spray and her cell phone and stuck them down her shirt. It was the only place she could put it without any pockets.

As she was walking out the door, Betty called, “Have fun getting laid!”

Laura made a mental note to kill her later. Still, she was a pretty good roommate.

* * *

This had to be the worst mistake Laura had ever made. The party she had been to with Betty was what she had expected: they played Top 40 music, and not the good kind; everybody was way too drunk; no one actually knew how to dance; and a lot of people were making out in a lot of places. This was not that party, which is what she had been promised, but it was much worse. They were playing music she had never heard; people were not only drunk but high; no one could dance to this music if they tried; and a lot of people were making out in a lot of places. Well, at least one thing had stayed consistent.

The house itself was _huge._ From the outside, it was probably the largest house Laura had ever seen, and almost every inch of it was covered with people, including the roof. Laura really wished she wouldn't have walked, but she walked everywhere. She wished she wouldn't have come, that was it. This is why she shouldn't talk to strangers, let alone go to their parties. She was so much smarter than this. And yet, Laura wanted her reward.

She walked past the guys smoking by the basketball hoop hanging from the garage. Most of them had hair that was dyed extremely bright colors. All of them were wearing tight black pants, and two were playing with lighters. Above the wall by the garage was a pool that was completely full of women, and Laura stood cautiously far from the water trying to see if she could spot the girl. But there were a lot of bodies, and a lot of black hair, and there was absolutely no way for her to pick anyone out.

A hand on the small of her back made her jump higher than she had in her life. “Don't you look like a virgin sacrifice.” Laura turned and realized who she was looking at, but her heart took a few seconds to settle down. This was largely to do with the fact that, once again, this girl looked so breathtakingly beautiful that it was hard to think about anything else. There was no leather today; instead, she was sporting black boots, black shorts, knee-high black socks (Laura had never realized how sexy socks were), and a phases of the moon tank top that, coincidentally, was also black. Holy Hogwarts, she had biceps. Laura didn't know how she was going to make it through this night.

It took an alarming amount of time for her to get around to what the girl had said, and it took ever longer for her to realize how strange it was. “What the hell does that mean?” she asked.

There was a small smirk; it was like she was holding back a government secret that Laura should only be so lucky to hear. How did she manage that? When she spoke again, she leaned in, her voice raised a little because of the music, and Laura could feel black bangs on her cheek. “Well, white is typically a symbol of innocence, purity,” there was a distinct pause, “virginity.”

Laura actually gulped, her mouth falling open as she tried not to look directly into her eyes. She had to stop this from happening before she had an inner freak out, so naturally, Laura didn't talk about what she secretly wanted to. “Okay, but you also said sacrifice...”

Another small laugh. Her hand was still on Laura's back. “Relax, cupcake. It was a joke.” Laura still didn't buy it. “This isn't a cult, okay?”

“If you're sure.”

“Pretty sure. Just don't hang out with the guys rolling joints in the basement. I'm not too certain about those lack-wits.” Laura's mouth dropped even further. “Calm down. I'm not going to let you be sacrificed.”

“Thanks, that's so considerate of you.” The girl started walking away, leaving her hand on Laura's back as she led her through sliding glass doors into the house where the music was even louder. Laura hadn't thought that that would be possible, but what do you know?

They had hardly gotten five feet inside before Laura said, “I want my reward now,” which made the girl turn and raise her flawless eyebrows. “You know...” She clearly didn't. “You have to tell me your name.”

“That's right...” she mumbled, stepping up in Laura's space again. “Why don't we go upstairs where it's quieter?” Somewhere in the crevices of her brain she remembered what Betty had said. There was no way she was going to be laid. Though the chances did go up if they were alone together. Laura didn't know why, but she really wanted them to be alone together.

There was clearly something else going on because the other girl kept glancing around while they walked through a lot of doors and archways. Finally, they reached the staircase, and Laura followed her upstairs, down the hall, and down another hall. There was a small group of people drinking in the corner, but one look from Laura's escort sent them skulking away.

The girl opened the door and let Laura go in first. It was a bedroom, clearly for a girl their age. There was art all over the walls, and a gigantic closet stuffed with shoes and dresses. The bed was a king-size, which was no surprise given the house itself. “Is – is this – ?”

“No, it's not my room,” she replied, closing the door. The music still impeded on what would have been just the two of them, but the girl slid onto the bed and patted the spot beside her, so clearly, not all was lost – whatever all was.

Laura sat down as gracefully as she could and looked at the other girl, who lazily said, “Carmilla.”

“I'm sorry?”

“My name. It's Carmilla.”

“Oh. Of course, right.” _What the hell kind of a name was that?_ “Well, it's nice to meet you.” Laura started looking around the room, standing up to look closer at the art on the wall. She ran her fingers over each piece of paper, every frame. “So if this isn't _your_ room, whose room is it?”

Laura could not believe how much space there was here, but it was strangely empty except for the closet and the walls. Carmilla seemed so far away, though she was only on the opposite side of the room. Carmilla didn't move, lying down on the bed and staring at the ceiling. “How should I know?”

“So this isn't your house?” Laura moved over to the closet and started looking at the dresses.

“No, this is not my house.”

“I just figured since you invited me here, and you seem to know your way around...”

“Still not my house, Laura.”

“Okay, okay, you can stop pretending to be all callous and indifferent. You're the one who invited me to this party.” Laura grinned when Carmilla sat up, her hands pressed into the sheets. “Why?” she asked.

“Why did I invite you?” Laura nodded. “You said you wanted to come to a real party.” The raven-haired girl explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“So why are we alone in somebody's room? It's not much of a party.” The short girl leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms, waiting for Carmilla to answer, but she was shaking her head.

“A party should be a shimmering moment of possibility.” She bit her lip, and Laura felt something stir in her that she hadn't known to exist. The music had changed now. It was a slower beat, more seductive.

Laura didn't understand what was happening to her, but it was pulling her closer. All she could see was Carmilla, all she could think was Carmilla, all she could breathe was Carmilla. By the time she sat on the bed, Laura Hollis would not have been able to tell you who Danny Lawrence was at all. And it terrified her.

Desperately, still not wanting to leave, Laura searched the room for a distraction, locating one out of the corner of her eye. A little too quickly, Laura yanked an acoustic guitar into her lap.

This forced Carmilla to move or risk being jabbed in the stomach by the guitar neck. Laura thought this might create some space between them, but very cleverly, the other girl moved behind her, her hand sliding around to the sheets beside Laura's waist. She was really good at this. “Do you play?” she whispered, trying not to notice the way Carmilla was staring at her neck.

This was so wrong. Something about it felt so twisted. They knew nothing about each other. Laura had Danny! Or … did she? They weren't dating or anything. And … she wasn't here right now. Laura's curiosity certainly had a habit of getting her into the worst situations.

“A little,” mumbled Carmilla. “Do you?”

“No, I've always wanted to.”

“I can teach you.”

“Okay...” All Laura could focus on were their words because if she focused on anything else, she might do something very stupid. She could not focus on the music, or the dim lamp that hardly lit the room at all. She definitely could not focus on the lack of space between their bodies.

Carmilla's left hand grabbed Laura's, and the breath hitched in her throat. Very slowly, she positioned their fingers on the strings, holding her own on top of Laura's. “You have to press a little harder than that, cupcake.” Laura felt Carmilla's words on the tip of her ear. Her fingers were numb, but she pressed as hard as she could. “Now strum.” And she did.

They did this for a while. Carmilla would rearrange her fingers, have her strum the guitar, and tell Laura the chord she was playing. At one point, Carmilla had Laura play by herself, and she used this opportunity to amuse herself with Laura's hair, tugging it lightly through her fingers.

Laura stopped playing. She stopped everything, and she looked at Carmilla, and there it was again, that pit in the bottom of her stomach. “I – ” Nope. “You – ” Nothing. “Are my fingers supposed to hurt this much?”

Carmilla smiled gently. “That happens at first. But eventually, you don't even notice it.” The girl turned her hands over, and Laura saw the callouses. Very carefully, she ran her fingertips over Carmilla's, noticing how rough they were. “I think I can fix yours though.” Laura barely heard the words leave Carmilla's lips before she was watching the other girl pull her fingers up slowly and kiss them softly. She kissed each one before intertwining their fingers together.

They were so close now, heads bent over the guitar, so close that Laura could taste beer on her tongue from Carmilla's breath. Her stomach was now so tight she literally could not breathe, and in a motion that surprised even herself, Laura stood up, knocking the guitar to the ground. “I – I have to go,” she muttered, moving straight towards the door, whipping her phone out from beneath her dress.

From behind her, she heard Carmilla following. “Laura!” She would not turn back. She couldn't. “Laura, wait!” She was down the first hallway before a hand closed around her wrist. _Holy crapsticks, she was fast._ Laura was tugged around so that they were face-to-face. “What are you doing?” asked Carmilla.

“This isn't right,” she spat out. “I have a...” What was the end to that sentence?

“A girlfriend?” Laura watched Carmilla's eyes fall, slowly dissolving into anger. “Jesus Christ Laura!” She honestly had no idea how she was going to get out of this. Carmilla was a lot stronger than she expected, and apparently, anger made it all that much worse.

“What the hell is going on here?” A door was yanked open to Laura's right, and a boy stepped out. He looked about her age, a tight red shirt practically sticking to his skin. He was staring at Carmilla and slowly reached out and forced her to let Laura go.

“Will, can you fuck off please?” The boy, Will, was clearly not as intimated by Carmilla as Laura was. He pushed her back a few inches and said, “Calm down, okay?” He paused for a moment, looking between the two girls a few times. “Does Ell know about this?” He asked, turning back to Carmilla, his voice lowered significantly.

“What do you think?” she replied, glancing determinedly away from Laura.

“Then maybe you shouldn't make such a big scene, sis.” Laura immediately started to see the resemblance; it was beyond evident, and not just because they were both extremely attractive. He even ran his hand through smooth black hair the way Carmilla did. Laura decided to take this opportunity to get out of here before she did any more damage, turning and practically running out of the house.

Laura half-expected Carmilla to follow her, but clearly her brother had stopped her. She got halfway down the next street before dialing LaF's number.

They answered almost as soon as she put the phone to her ear. “Laura? Where the fuck are you?”

“It's a long story. Look, if I give you directions, will you please come get me and not ask any questions?”

“Of course I can. Are you okay?” If there was a god, he, she, or it needed to shower eternal blessings on LaFontaine.

“Yeah, I'm fine, I just did something really stupid.” Laura didn't know what to expect, but LaF didn't ask any questions. She could hear them moving around their room through the speaker.

It only took about ten seconds for them to say “I'm on my way.”


	3. For the Love of Benedict Cumberbatch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "Jenny" by Studio Killers; "Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse; and "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry.
> 
> There are no warnings for this chapter other than extreme Hollence fluff.

“This isn't bad, Hollis. Your thesis works, but I think you should get a little more focused. You seem to ramble a lot, especially in this paragraph here.” Danny sat up slightly to hand Laura her essay back, her fingertip tracing over the page. The two girls were leaning against Laura's pillow, so close it should be inexcusable, though, as usual, they were full of excuses. Pens, notebooks, and stacks of paper lay scattered around them, shifting with the sheets as Laura sat up too.

As she glanced over the paragraph Danny had pointed out, she began to realize how close the taller girl was, except unlike before, Laura had gotten used to it. Over the past two weeks, Danny had stopped by almost every night that she was free, and she had even started eating lunch with Laura, LaFontaine, and Perry. It seemed that there was nothing that could be done to keep the two of them apart, and Laura had no complaints.

However, she was beginning to worry that Danny didn't want anything else to happen between them. At first, Laura hadn't been sure one way or the other, but it had been eighteen days, and they had gone no farther than they had that first night when Laura had fallen asleep against her chest. If she could go back in time, she would have kissed Danny that morning. At least then she would know. Not knowing was killing her.

And it wasn't that Laura needed to be in a relationship, but it would be nice to have a distraction from the fantastic reminders her head kept bringing up.

For the love of Benedict Cumberbatch, she could not get that stupid girl out of her head. No matter how much time she spent with Danny, looked at Danny, and thought about kissing Danny, it always turned into sitting on that bed with that stupid beautiful girl. It wasn't like Laura wanted Carmilla in her head. Danny was right next to her, so easy, so comfortable, but it didn't seem to matter. Curiosity was driving Laura Hollis mad.

“Look, I should probably get going.” Danny's voice brought Laura out of her head again. “It's getting late.”

“Is it?” Laura glanced at the clock; they had been here for over two hours, but it only felt like a few minutes with all the thinking she had been doing. “I wish you could stay.”

The two girls slipped off the bed trying not to knock anything onto the floor as Danny softly replied, “Me too.” She slipped one strap of her backpack over her shoulder, holding it in place, only half-turned towards the door. “Listen, there's a movie coming out on Friday that I really want to see. Do you – do you wanna come with?”

Questions fired off into Laura's head. _What kind of movie is it? Where's the theater? Do we have to drive? How long is the movie? How much are tickets? Who's paying for the tickets? Is she asking me on a date?_ “Uh – s – sure, I'd love to,” she stuttered out, trying to block off the disaster that was escalating in her head. “Should I ask LaF and Perry if they wanna come?” Laura resisted the urge to face-palm herself. Was there such a thing as a self-cockblock? Cockblock wasn't really the right term, though.

Danny replied almost immediately, “No, that's okay,” slowly sensing her reaction was a little too quick and continuing, “I was hoping it could just be you and me. We could do something besides homework for a change.”

“Oh,” Laura smiled helplessly, searching for the right words. “Oh.” No progress whatsoever. “That sounds great, Danny.”

“Totally,” she grinned back. “I'll see you on Friday night then.”

Laura watched her shut the door slowly and let out a breath as soon as she was gone. Somewhere in her head, a voice whispered, _“Smooth, sundance, smooth.”_

“Shut up,” she groaned. This was really becoming a problem.

* * *

Danny looked at her phone for probably the seventh time. It was still 5:59. She was not about to knock on Laura's door early like a desperate eager freshman. Not if she could help it. Because she did not have a teenage crush on Laura Hollis. If she had a crush, it was totally manageable. She was Danny Lawrence, for Christ's sake.

One more look down told her it was 6:00, and she raised her hand to Laura's door, except she could not bring it forward. Danny had already made sure she looked okay back in her room, and nothing had happened on the way here, but still, she was so nervous, her abs were tightening.

Biting her lip, she brought her fist down on Laura's door once. She only waited a few seconds before knocking again. It shot open before Danny had the chance to prepare herself.

“Hi!” Laura exclaimed, practically bouncing on her toes as she looked up at Danny, a smile across her entire face. God damn it, she was the cutest. It was impossible to describe in words; she was just so cheek-pinching cute, like a baby, but also in the way that Danny wanted to kiss every inch of her body, especially her lips.

“Hey, you ready?” Danny busied her hands by rolling up the sleeves of her flannel. She didn't know how much longer she could keep from touching Laura. All she had wanted for the last how many days was to feel Laura's hand in hers, but something kept her at bay. Many people thought that Danny was the brave, ask-questions-later type, but Laura Hollis turned her into a coward.

Laura stepped forward, closing the door behind her and locking it. “Totally,” she grinned. Danny was pretty sure she hadn't stopped smiling yet. That was probably a good sign.

“This way m'lady,” Danny stuck out her arm for Laura to take, and inwardly rolled her eyes. Laura Hollis turned her into a dork too, but she seemed to get a kick out of it, so Danny saw no reason to stop. She led the way downstairs, trying not to meet the gazes of the other girls in the dorm. It was quite easy to do with Laura on her arm. She hadn't put on anything fancy, which Danny was all for. Casual was much more fun. Besides, Laura looked really good in high-waisted jeans and a tank top. Her muscles were more toned than Danny would have expected, and she felt a sudden need to feel Laura on top of her, their bodies pressing together.

But Danny had to shake herself out of it because there was a large part of her that suspected Laura didn't feel the same way about her. She was going to kiss her; that had been the plan as soon as Laura invited her over. There was always the chance that Laura was really that naïve, but Danny didn't think so. So her confidence shrank back, and now she wasn't even sure that this night would be appropriate given the circumstances.

The circumstances, of course, being her undying affection for Laura that she hid behind friendship in an attempt to keep the beautiful girl in her life, and Laura's questionable more-than-friends affection for her that may or may not even be a thing in the first place.

But Danny had invited her anyway. At the very least, they could hang out like they had almost every night over the past two weeks, and it would be even more torturous in the dim lights of the theater. Suppressing an inner groan, Danny turned her attention back to Laura, whose thoughts seemed to be equally as far away.

They had reached the small student parking lot, and she continued to lead Laura forward, going through mazes of shitty college cars. Her truck was at the very back, a rusty piece of crap that Danny could not be more in love with. It was the only thing her dad had ever given her, an orange pickup to match her hair, a white streak running down the side.

Reluctantly, Danny slipped out of Laura's grip to reach into her pocket and pull out her keys. The shorter girl gave her a glance. “How am I supposed to get in?” Danny had not thought about this. Her tires were unnaturally tall, and Laura was unnaturally short. Now that they were standing closer to the door, Danny could not help but stifle a laugh at the thought of Laura trying to hop her way up.

She knew what she _could_ do – that part was easy – but she had no idea what she _should_ do. Finally, Danny shoved her brain aside, tired of all the nonsense it was presenting her. “Hold on,” she smirked, lifting Laura up from behind so that the girl could gradually pull herself in, trying with all she had not to look at the ass directly in front of her face.

Before Danny could close the door, Laura caught her eyes and whispered with complete sincerity, “We never speak of this.”

She couldn't help but laugh, and she did not stop until she turned the key in the ignition. The engine roared to life, and Danny backed out of her spot carefully, eyes over her shoulder, one hand on the wheel expertly. However, as her eyes moved back to the front, she caught sight of Laura. Her seatbelt was on, her eyes were completely blank, and her hands were clenched so tightly they were white.

As soon as she was out of the lot, Danny pulled over to the curb. Laura had her eyes closed now, and they did not open when the truck stopped. Part of Danny doubted that she could even tell the difference. It was only when she whispered, “Laura...?” that the other girl's eyes opened. They slowly grew wider again, the world flooding back into them.

“Hm...” was all that came out, a quiet sound that seemed to admit it had been caught. “Why did we stop?”

“Because you look like a ghost right now. Are you okay?”

“It's – I – ” She bit her lip, looking down at her lap. “Driving makes me nervous.” Danny knew that Laura walked everywhere, but she had always figured it was because she didn't have a car, or because she liked walking.

“Laura, we don't have to go,” whispered Danny. She reached over and lightly touched Laura's arm.

But the shorter girl was shaking her head. “No, Danny, that's not fair.” Her voice was shaking slightly. “I want to go. I want to hang out with you.” She looked up with those beautiful eyes that made every inch of her body tremble, even if there was something off about them this time.

“We can walk – ”

“But we'll miss the movie,” interrupted Laura with an attempt at a smile. “I can do this.”

Danny still hesitated, but Laura gave her a look that clearly meant _I need you to forget about this,_ so she tried. She put the car back in drive, going as cautiously as she possibly could. She wanted to hold Laura's hand, and not even in a romantic way, but she figured that keeping both hands on the wheel was the best option for now.

Danny did not look at Laura the whole ride to the theater, and it might as well have been the longest ride of her life. But she was trying to forget it because that was what Laura wanted. By the time they pulled into the parking lot, it was evident that Laura had forgotten about it.

When the taller girl moved around to help the brunette get out, she was already in the process of jumping down. It was quite a poor landing, and Laura tumbled forward into Danny's arms, who caught her easily. She held her there for a moment, trying to pour all the warmth she had into her chest and arms. Laura gripped her collar for a second before pulling back, but she was looking in Danny's eyes, and her knees started to grow weak.

She could not keep this up for much longer.

They started walking towards the theater now, keeping a little bit too much distance between them just to be safe. When they reached the door, Danny held it open for her and said, “After you,” trying to bring back the mood they'd created before things slid downhill. Laura blushed a little and gave her a smirk, allowing Danny to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Hey, two adults for _Maze Runner_ ,” Danny said, leaning her hand against the counter as she dug out her wallet, pulling a wrinkled $20 out and handing it to the cashier before Laura had a chance to protest.

The cashier didn't say anything, clearly fed-up with her job, and Danny tried not to blame her too much. She took their tickets and led Laura further into the theater. “Do you want any popcorn or soda or something?”

“Danny,” Laura scolded, “you're not going to buy everything for me.”

“What if I want to?” she teased, opening her wallet and raising her eyebrows, but to her surprise, the short girl yanked it out of her hands with a grin, moving towards the concessions stand.

Danny followed her like a loyal puppy, undeniably happy that Laura was playing along with her game. “Hi, can I get two large sodas and a large popcorn please?” God, she was so polite. It didn't matter to Laura that the cost was almost as much as the tickets had been. Laura was all smiles as she handed Danny her cup. It had a promotion for _The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies_ on it, and she made a mental note to remember the date.

They started filling their sodas before Laura stopped her. “What are you putting in there?” she asked in alarm.

Danny smirked. She was used to this; every time she went to the movies she got this question. The tall girl explained the process to Laura as they started walking toward their designated theater. “So what it is is 75% Cherry Pepsi, a little bit of Mt. Dew, a little bit of pink lemonade, a little more Cherry Pepsi, and then you just fill the rest of it up going back and forth. Most people don't believe me, but it tastes fantastic.” She held her straw in front of Laura's face and waved it around, but the shorter girl pushed it away.

“That sounds disgusting. I thought you didn't drink soda. It's filled with polysyllabic chemicals, or whatever.”

Danny grinned. “Today's a special occasion. Besides, I always fill up with polysyllabic chemicals when I go to the movies. What about you? I know they didn't have grape soda. How will you survive?”

“Ha ha,” Laura shoved her lightly, spilling a few pieces of popcorn onto the carpet. “It's Root Bear, you jerk.”

Their voices quieted as they walked down the hall into the dark theater. “Where should we sit?” whispered Laura. “I usually sit in the front, but some people don't like that.”

Hiding a chuckle, Danny replied, “The front is totally out. Whenever I sit in the front, people throw food at me.” She watched Laura's mouth fall open in disbelief, her eyebrows shooting up. “We're going to have to sit in the way back. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.” It was very evident that Laura was offended on her behalf, acting even nicer than usual to make up for the one time someone threw a pretzel at the back of her head. Granted, it had been that Zeta idiot Kirsch who was sitting only two rows behind her and was just as tall. She had gotten him back easily in the parking lot by dumping an entire slushie over his head. It was sweet justice.

The two girls slid into their seats in the very back of the theater. Laura had picked the seats in the corner too, and Danny tried not to think about the fact that no one would be able to see them. The theater wasn't very crowded because the town was small, but still, it was tempting enough. The previews dragged by as Danny fought a war inside of her. She thought about doing “the move” for a solid ten minutes. She thought about holding Laura's hand, but she kept using it to grab popcorn from the bucket on Danny's lap. She thought about knocking the bucket onto the ground as she locked her lips onto Laura's. But she didn't do any of those things. She just left her arm on the rest they shared, gripping it a little too tightly.

The movie started, and Danny tried her hardest to pay attention. The parts she actually focused on were really interesting, and she would have to watch this movie again on DVD without Laura around to distract her.

Out of the corner of her eye, Danny could see Laura tensing up when the scenes started to get darker. As soon as the freaky ass spider thing showed up, she felt a hand in hers. And that was that.

Laura had grabbed her hand and was not letting it go. Danny didn't care if there was butter all over it. She wouldn't have cared if Laura's hands were covered in blood (well, maybe a little). Their fingers were intertwined, and even after the tension was resolved, neither girl pulled away.

It was pretty funny, really. Danny had thought her fingers would go numb, that she would not be able to wrap her head around holding Laura's hand. But it was just the opposite. It was like every other part of her had faded away, and the only thing she could feel was Laura's hand. It was so small in her own. Her fingers twitched. They flexed. They tightened. They stilled. Danny was aware of nothing but Laura's hand, nothing but her smooth skin, fingers, nails, and palm.

* * *

 

The credits were rolling, and Danny stretched her right arm, but she did not move anything else, afraid that she would have to let go. Laura's hand was the only thing anchoring her to the ground. The two girls locked eyes for a second, and Danny was about to say something, but Laura got there first.

“That was a good movie,” she nodded slowly. So they weren't going to talk about the fantastic elephant in the room. Maybe that was better.

Clearing her throat, Danny agreed. “Totally. You know that one kid was in _Love Actually_.” _And he definitely grew up hot,_ she added to herself.

“That's why he looked so familiar!” Laura exclaimed, standing up and stretching her legs, inevitably pulling Danny with her. “That was going to drive me crazy.”

Laura started walking towards her, and her heart jumped in her chest. There was a knowing smile on Laura's face as she said, “Are you going to stand there or are we going to get out of here?”

“R – right,” stuttered Danny, moving backwards into the aisle and letting Laura lead her down the steps by her hand.

They didn't say anything on the way out of the theater, so focused on the limbs hanging between them. As soon as they stepped out into the cool night air, Laura let out a shiver, and Danny let go of her hand at last. She slid off her flannel in half a second, wrapping it around Laura's shoulders before brushing a strand of red hair away from her eyes with a shy smile and a shrug.

“You are a really good date, Danny Lawrence,” she whispered, and Laura stood on her tiptoes and lightly kissed Danny's left cheek. She was dead. She had died and gone to heaven. There was no other explanation.

Tiny hands slipped back into hers and tugged her forward, making her feet move towards her truck.

Danny had to help Laura get in again, but some part of her knew that the shorter girl didn't mind this time. As she walked back around to the driver's side, she crouched down for a minute, hiding by the license plate. Danny took a moment to breathe, her hands running through her hair and over her face, trying to get the blushing to stop.

The horn honked, sending her backwards onto her ass. “God damn it,” she mumbled, fixing her hair and standing up again.

Danny pulled the door open with a creak and settled in behind the wheel, driving forward through the empty spot in front of her.

Laura closed her eyes again, but this time, she let Danny hold her hand.

* * *

 

“OH MY GOD!” Laura shouted to her webcam. “So I know that I haven't been keeping up with the shenanigans going on around campus, but Danny and I just – ” She let out a series of noises beneath the hands that covered her face. “We went on a date, and, like, it started off really bad because of my whole car thing, but we ended up holding hands, and I kissed her on the cheek, and it was just so perfect, and I really didn't want her to leave.”

She leaned back as far as she could in her chair, jumping forward again when it started to fall, which happened every time.

“Anyways, she's so perfect. She let me borrow her flannel, and it's so warm and soft, and it smells like her, and I think I might kiss her the next time I see her. This is so much better than a fanfic.” Instinctively, Laura started fidgeting with the cuffs that fell a few inches past her fingertips, a smile across her face. There was nothing that could stop Laura from smiling.

Well, _almost_ nothing.

“Except...” Laura paused and then let out a horrible groan. “Except I can't stop thinking about Carmilla.” She gripped Danny's flannel a little harder. “The whole time we were out, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I tried, I really really tried. And I like Danny, so this is just super frustrating! She won't get out of my head. This is the worst crush ever.”

Her tiny head thumped forward against her desk and sat there for a few seconds before she lifted it up. “But I guess I am excited about going to this Doctor Who convention tomorrow morning. My bowtie finally came in the mail the other day, so the outfit's all set.” Laura didn't really know what else to say. Her head was still swimming with so many emotions she just needed to go to sleep.

With a resigned sigh, Laura turned off her laptop and fell onto her bed, pulling the covers as far up as they could go. She left Danny's flannel on, keeping her hands close to her nose so she could smell it, but when she finally fell asleep, she dreamed of bedspreads and guitars.


	4. Laura Hollis in A Series of Ridiculous Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "In Too Deep" by Sum 41; "Unavoidable" by Neon Trees; and "Why" by Secondhand Seronade.
> 
> There are no warnings for this chapter.

Laura was in heaven. Everywhere she looked there was a Whovian. An entire assembly of wonderful geeks were before her, and she doubted that Picasso could have painted something as beautiful. There were so many cosplayers: Doctors, Amy Ponds, River Songs, Daleks, even a walking Tardis. Most of them were teenagers and college students from what she could tell, but there were a few families with younger kids whose parents seemed even more excited than their children.

Granted, it wasn't the biggest or the best Doctor Who convention she'd been to, but it was something. And it wasn't that far of a walk from Silas – only two hours. It was one of the last beautiful days before winter too, so Laura was glad to be out in the sunshine. It was so nice out that she didn't need her jacket at all, but she kept it on on principle.

“Hey,” a timid finger tapped her on the shoulder, and Laura turned to see a complete whirlwind of colors. “I like your bowtie.”

“Thanks!” the short girl replied excitedly. “I got it online.” Her eyes ran up and down the other girl's outfit. “You're the sixth doctor, right?”

“Yeah,” a large grin spread across her face. “He's one of the more underrated Doctors in my opinion. The only thing is that Colin Baker wanted the outfit that Christopher Eccleston had, and instead he got this ridiculously brilliant thing.”

“You're totally right. I'm Laura by the way.” She stuck her hand out, and the other girl shook it.

“Katie.” Laura liked her already; she seemed like the kind of person that was really genuine and kind. “Are you here with anybody?”

“No, my friends aren't really into Doctor Who.”

With a roll of her eyes, Katie laughed, “Idiots.”

“What about you? Do your friends have good taste?” As they talked, Laura couldn't help but play with her red overall straps. They were so distracting.

“Yeah, I'm actually here with my – um – partner.” Laura watched her point to the left, and there was a fantastic individual walking towards them who was dressed as the fifth doctor, a celery stalk on their jacket. “Just so you know, they're non-binary, so they don't identify as either gender.”

“Okay, that's totally cool. My best friend is the same way.” A relieved smile slipped across the girl's face, and Laura completely understood. Some people were so frustratingly ignorant, or even completely unaware.

As they finally came to stop beside Katie, they stuck out their hand with a wide grin. “Hey, I'm Alex.”

Laura took it happily, “Laura,” she responded. “I love your outfit.”

“I love yours too,” they grinned. It seemed to be all they could do. “Do you wanna tag along with us?” Laura found herself mesmerized by Alex's hair. It was short, and across their hairline, their dirty blonde bangs had been spiked and kind of swooped to the right. It was a miracle of modern science. Sometimes, LaF could get their hair like this, and Laura didn't understand how it was possible. “Yo, eleven, do you wanna tag along with us or not?”

“Right – ” she shook herself out of her state. “Right, sure, let's go.”

Hanging with Katie and Alex was fun; it was definitely better than being alone. They were super friendly, and it was obvious to everyone that they were super in love. Laura found it cute for about five minutes before she started feeling lonely. The three of them walked around for half an hour talking to strangers, and forcing themselves not to buy any merchandise. But after only thirty minutes, the novelty started to wear off. The convention was a lot smaller than she had originally thought.

Almost on cue, Laura saw a familiar face out of the corner of her eye lingering towards the exit, and she let out an audible gasp.

“Are you okay?” Katie asked.

“Um – y – yeah, I just saw somebody I know. It's been really nice to meet you, but I gotta go.” That was probably not very polite, but Laura was so blown away that she couldn't think straight. She set off walking quickly towards Carmilla of all people, not to be deterred.

Once again, Carmilla looked flawless, her hair in a perfectly messy bun, loose white button-downed shirt dangling over black skinny jeans, still wearing her punky black boots. However, Carmilla's cocky grin shifted as she watched Laura come towards her; the short girl meant business, and everyone knew it.

“Hey...” the broody girl greeted cautiously.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Laura crossed her arms and narrowed her eyebrows, unconsciously trying to make herself taller.

Carmilla just gave a small shrug, which only made Laura angrier. “Maybe I like Doctor Who, cupcake.” She slid her sunglasses – which were as dark as tinted car windows – up into her hair before winking, and the younger girl let out an audible groan.

“Just tell me the truth, Carmilla. I don't have the patience for your ambiguous shit today,” she fumed, and Carmilla's facade slipped away as she realized exactly how serious Laura was.

Almost immediately, she became just as furious. “What did I do to you, Laura?! You're the one who came to my party when you have a girlfriend! What the fuck did you think I invited you for?! To be gal pals?!” She tried to run a hand through her hair, but stopped when she remembered that she had it up, which only made her that much more frustrated. “You think you understand everything, but you don't. You're a child, and you understand nothing.”

“I don't care why you invited me! Why are you here, Carmilla?! I didn't ask you to be! I don't want you here!” Instantly, and completely unexpectedly, Carmilla shrank back, and Laura knew she had gone too far. Her mind started to scold her; she knew it wasn't Carmilla's fault that Laura kept thinking of her. And it wasn't Danny's fault that Laura couldn't commit to her either. As per usual, it was Laura's fault. “I'm sorry,” she mumbled, “I've had a long week.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Sure.”

“Look, I – I shouldn't have led you on; I guess I didn't think that someone like you could like someone like me, so there wasn't anything wrong with going to your party.” Her cheeks flooded with red when she saw the way Carmilla was looking at her, but she couldn't really stop now. “And just – the way things ended last time – I figured that it would be easier if I never saw you again, and then you were here, and I just – I got overwhelmed.” Neither of them said anything, and Laura was afraid she had ruined everything now and made a quick attempt to fix their relationship, whatever that was. “But I would like to be friends at least, if – if that's okay.”

Her face didn't fall, but there was something buried deep down that Laura could not see, something Carmilla felt so strongly: the feeling of rejection. Still, if there was one thing that Carmilla was good at, it was burying her feelings, so that when she replied, “Yeah, that's okay,” Laura would never know the difference. She blinked, and just like that, Carmilla was back to her usual self, no visible weaknesses, emitting confidence with every breath.

“Well, with all this new-found closeness, do you want my number or something?” That was probably a bad idea, but she needed some sort of reassurance that she could always get in touch with Carmilla.

“Why not?” She seemed amused at this idea, at least enough that Laura hoped it would distract from the awkwardness that had come between them.

As soon as Laura took her flip phone out, Carmilla burst into laughter. “Don't judge,” Laura laughed with her. She was used to this by now. “My dad thought I'd use an iPhone to send high-resolution selfies to potential stalkers.”

They swapped phones, and Laura tried not to be envious of Carmilla's smart phone. “Hey, do you want to get out of here?” Carmilla asked once they had finished.

“Sure, I have to walk back to school if you wanna walk with me.” Oh how Laura loved to dig herself into holes over and over and over again. She clearly had a condition.

Carmilla slid her glasses back over her head and followed Laura through the exit and out onto the street.

They started walking, neither one saying anything to the other for a while, but finally, Laura couldn't take the silence anymore, and she asked, “So that boy at the party – he's your brother?”

“Yep, we both came out of my mother's vagina.” She said it so straight-forward that Laura didn't know if she was allowed to laugh, but she did anyway.

“Is he older than you?” Laura felt the need to keep asking questions because she had the suspicion that Carmilla wouldn't talk otherwise.

“I'm older than he is by one year.” She was amazed when Carmilla gave information she hadn't actually asked for. They were definitely getting somewhere.

“That's cool. I don't have any siblings, but I always wanted some. I guess I'm pretty lucky to have LaF and Perry; they're a lot like family. Do you guys get along?”

“He's all right. Why are you so interested in my brother?” Carmilla raised her perfect eyebrows.

“I'm not, but it was the first thing I thought of.”

“So you're saying you're _not_ interested in my brother? Is he not attractive enough for you?”

“What are you trying to do right now?” Laura laughed, shoving the other girl lightly.

“I'm trying to get you flustered, cupcake,” she grinned, shoving her back. “Because you look like that, and it's adorable – in, like, a completely platonic way.”

Laura let it slide, and that was the first time of many more to come that she started letting these things slide. “I am not flustered. Why don't we talk about something else since you're being an ass?” she teased.

“Am I? I hadn't thought so.”

“Yes, you are, but I forgive you.” Laura earned a smile with that one, and her lips matched Carmilla's instantly. She had such a beautiful smile; it was a shame she didn't smile more often. Although, that made it more rare, more valuable to Laura. Maybe it was better that way after all. “How old are you anyways?”

“I'm 334 years old,” replied Carmilla without a pause.

“Of course, I should have known.”

“Are you saying I look old?” The other girl took a step closer to Laura, forcing her to take a step back. Carmilla was playing games with Laura, and Laura was falling into every one of her traps.

“No, you hardly look a day over 20.”

“Good because that's what I am, cupcake.”

“Awesome!” It really wasn't that exciting at all, but Laura was finally getting comfortable. “How long have you been playing guitar?”

She actually had to think about that one. “Since I was five, I think, so 15 years, I guess.”

“Have you ever written any music?”

“A couple songs,” Carmilla answered with a soft smirk. “You are definitely a future journalist, sundance, but I'm tired of being interrogated. Why don't we talk about you instead?”

“There's not much to know,” Laura shrugged.

“I highly doubt that. You mentioned a LaF and Perry before. Who are they supposed to be?”

“They're my best friends. I've known LaF since preschool, and Perry since second grade.”

“Mm hmm,” she nodded, clearly waiting for Laura to go on, and she took the invitation easily.

“So LaF is short for LaFontaine, which is their last name, and Perry started going by her last name as soon as LaF did. It took her a little bit to stop calling them Susan, but not too long, and LaF always forgives Perry anyway. They're dating, and it's really cute.”

“How long have they been together?”

“Well, officially, for seven years, but they've been interested in each other from the minute they met. It's honestly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.” Laura felt like such a fangirl talking about them like this, but Carmilla didn't seem to mind. “Why are you so interested in my friends?”

“I'm not, but it was the first thing I thought of.” Curse her for being so clever.

“Very funny, Carmilla,” Laura rolled her eyes. “So you're _not_ interested in my friends? What, are they not entertaining enough for you?”

“You're not very creative, are you, cupcake? I can't help but notice you're stealing all my lines.” They had started walking on the side of a main road now, feet crunching against gravel and grass. Carmilla had much more balance than Laura did, and when the older girl gave her another playful nudge, Laura went tumbling down the tiny hill into a ditch. Luckily, it was just grass and rocks, but the ass of her pants was now stained green, and Carmilla was laughing at her again. “Come on, cutie,” she put her hand out, and Laura begrudgingly took it and let herself be pulled up. She couldn't help but notice how small Carmilla's hands were compared to Danny's.

To her surprise, Carmilla actually let her go right away, and they both stood awkwardly by the side of the road, hands shoved in their pockets, before slowly starting to keep walking. “Why don't you walk on the even ground, and I'll walk on the grass?” Carmilla suggested as she switched sides with Laura. “Do you need me to hold your hand?” she gave the shorter girl a wink.

“You know, maybe it – it would be better. I do tend to fall down a lot.” Friends could hold hands, right? It wasn't that big of a stretch. Laura felt Carmilla's fingers touch her wrist and hesitate before sliding down and intertwining their fingers, and she couldn't explain it, but it felt right.

They couldn't find much to say after this, so they just kept walking. Laura was shocked at how far Carmilla would go without turning back. It was a two hour walk after all, but she kept pace with Laura the whole way, arms dangling at their sides.

It was about four when they finally got to Silas, and Laura couldn't help but wish that they had more time together. It wasn't like they had done a ridiculous amount of talking, and if they were going to be friends, they really ought to know each other better. Maybe Carmilla could sleep over! That was totally plausible, somehow, if she tried really hard to keep her hidden.

“Do you wanna come up to my room?” Laura asked, tugging on her hand a little bit, completely unaware of the usual ritual that accompanied that request.

“Would Danny like that?” Carmilla asked quietly, staring firmly at the ground.

“Well, I don't see a problem with it if we're just going to be fr – ” Laura loosened her grip. “How do you know about Danny?”

The smallest smirk grew on Carmilla's lips. “You really should edit the videos you put online.”

Laura didn't know if she had it in her to be angry: she was so embarrassed. Because if Carmilla had seen that part, then she had definitely seen the part where Laura said she had a crush on her. “How did you even find that?” came out in a faint whisper.

“Same way anyone finds anything online. I was bored, and I looked.” That devilish smirk was still growing, and Laura didn't know that she could take it any longer. “You want to know my favorite part?”

“I really really don't.” Laura resolutely turned her back to Carmilla, her head craning towards the sky in disbelief.

“You like me, Laura,” a hand touched her shoulder gently and forced her to turn around. “You know it, and I know it. And you can't buffer between two women for the rest of your life.” Laura closed her eyes. “So you need to decide, but,” there was a pause, as if she didn't want to open herself up, “I am here to try and convince you to pick me.” Her voice was soft, surprisingly gentle, and her hand slid back into Laura's.

“You barely know me, Carmilla.” Laura refused to look her in the eyes. It would make everything she was about to say that much harder. “I don't really know anything about you. But I know about Danny, and I liked her first, so it's – it's only fair.”

“That doesn't sound very persuasive,” whispered Carmilla, echoing Laura's thoughts.

“I don't care.” Yes, she did. “It's the way it has to be.” Finally, she forced herself to look at the other girl, to tell her without words that she meant it, that she was sorry, so unbelievably sorry.

Laura thought Carmilla would keep arguing, but she pulled back with a solemn, empty gaze in her eyes. “Fine,” was all she said, and that one word was filled with so little emotion that Laura had no idea what to think anymore. “But Laura,” Carmilla added coldly, “we can't be friends.”

That was the last thing she said before she turned and started walking away, and Laura didn't go after her. She knew she didn't deserve to, but she was terrified of how much she wanted to. It wasn't right, but it was the way things were now. Laura knew that anyone else would call her insane for turning down Danny for Carmilla simply because of how little she knew about the latter. For all Laura knew, she could be a murderer. She did wear a lot of black, almost like she was always waiting for a funeral.

But she didn't know _nothing_. She had paid attention to the way Carmilla spoke and moved, much more gently than she would have expected. She had a suspicion that her humor was just a defense mechanism, but despite her morbidly beautiful appearance, she didn't seem like a murderer. She seemed like an adventure, and Laura wanted in on it.

 _Danny_ though. Danny, Danny, Danny. Her brain was reeling. The guilt was like a hurricane in her head, tearing everything apart. She felt guilty that she was feeling this way in the first place, that she would be hurting Danny. She felt guilty for keeping it a secret. She felt guilty for hurting Carmilla. She felt guilty for wanting Carmilla. She felt guilty for letting her go.

So how was she going to fix this? Being guilty didn't amount to anything if Laura wasn't going to do anything about it. Carmilla didn't want to be friends, and she _couldn't_ be her girlfriend no matter how much she may want to be. She couldn't. She was just going to have to forget about her.

* * *

Thursday. If there was ever a day that Laura didn't care for, it was Thursday. Even the name was boring, and the fact that it was about 7:00 a.m. on a Thursday wasn't any better. So naturally, Laura tried to find some way to make her potentially terrible day more entertaining. Thursday was fanfiction day – the day that Laura took to update her Hermione Granger fanfic.

It was going terribly. Lately, writing had been like running through sand. She eventually got where she wanted to be, but she got there slowly and with much frustration. Her brain was a complete disaster at the moment between college and her never-ending, self-torturing thoughts about Carmilla.

Funnily enough, she found herself forcing Hermione to choose between her girlfriend and another girl. It had kind of just happened, but Laura had run with it anyway, and try as she might, Hermione kept going back to the other girl. It was not doing the author any good, but she didn't seem to be able to write anything else, so here she was.

Laura was very thankful when LaF burst into her room, providing an interruption from the cluster that was swirling around in her mind. “What's up, L?” they smiled, jumping onto Laura's bed as she spun around in her rolly chair.

“Nothing much,” she answered, “just trying to pound out this fic.” She still hadn't told LaF or Perry about Carmilla. Laura just wanted to get it behind her, and she already knew what they'd say. LaF would tell her to go for Carmilla, and Perry would tell her to stay with Danny, which would, of course, get her nowhere. She was just fine getting nowhere on her own. “I heard about Perry,” added Laura before LaF had the chance to ask about reading her chapter.

“Yeah, it's kind of hard not to hear about someone throwing up in the middle of the caf,” they grimaced. “She's in our room taking a nap right now.”

“I wish I had some soup to give her or something.” Only partially meaning it as a joke, Laura said, “I have,” she sifted through the bag next to her desk, “two cookies.”

“We're all set on cookies, Laura. I actually came over here to ask if you were busy tonight.” They leaned further back against the wall while they spoke, tilting their head back with exhaustion. Taking care of a sick girlfriend in the earliest hours of the morning can do that to the body, but LaF's heart was still overflowing with love for Perry. It probably always would be. “I was supposed to go to this concert tonight with Perr, but obviously that's out of the question now. Wanna come?”

“Aren't you staying here to take care of her?” asked Laura, surprised at LaF's behavior. Usually, they dropped everything to be there for their girlfriend.

LaF shook their head. “She wants me to go out. She said that I always take care of her, and she doesn't want me missing the concert because of her. She also said she'd be sleeping the whole time, and she'll text if she needs me. I'd rather stay here, but I think she might get mad if I do.”

“Okay, that's fair. Who is performing at this super exciting event?” asked Laura curiously. LaF had weird taste in music sometimes, and she was not about to go to a Weird Al concert.

LaF hesitated before just giving up and saying, “The band's name is Virgin Sacrifice.”

“I'm sorry?” It was half of a laugh and half of an exclamation. “You said 'virgin' and 'sacrifice?' I didn't have an aneurysm in the middle of that sentence?” Only after this did she recognize the phrase as one Carmilla had used to describe her. Maybe Carmilla listened to this band too.

“They're really not that bad, Laura,” LaF rolled their eyes. “They started as a cover band, but they just came out with their first album. It's pretty good. Besides, the lead singer's hot, so if you don't like their music, you can at least stare at her.”

“Thanks, LaF, I am definitely that desperate.” They both laughed, LaF a little longer than Laura.

“Come on, we haven't gotten to hang out by ourselves in such a long time. It'll be fun. I promise.” The look on LaF's face was irresistible, and they had a point. It had been ages since it had been just the two of them between all this relationship nonsense. It would be nice to get out and not have to think about any of that.

“Sure, on one condition.” LaF waited expectantly. “No talking about Danny.”

“Oh no, however will we pass the time without talking about Danny?” they teased, sliding not very gracefully off the edge of Laura's bed. “I gotta get to class, but I'll pick you up at six?”

“Sounds awesome! I can't wait.” Honestly, now that Laura had thought more about it, she really couldn't wait. LaF had been her best friend since she was in preschool, and they were in kindergarten. Laura could hardly remember what they had been like before Perry showed up in second grade. Ever since then, it had been the three of them. It had only taken LaF 10 years to work up the nerve to ask Perry out, and Laura had been a little jealous that someone was taking so much of her best friend's time, but she had been young and stupid. LaF wasn't LaF without Perry.

She would have gone to a Weird Al concert with LaF; she'd probably go anywhere with LaF after all they'd been through together.

* * *

A few hours later, Laura was legitimately excited for the strange concert she was about to experience. She was looking forward to hanging with her best friend, taking her mind off women, and hearing some new music. But as usual, LaF was running late. LaF was always late after their advanced science class. They were practically best friends with the professor.

Laura decided to lie down and take a nap until LaF texted her. She needed all the rest she could get, being an active college student, so she collapsed onto her yellow pillow, closed her eyes, and waited.

She had just about dozed off when there was a knock at the door, and she rolled over, practically falling off her bed, with a tired groan. With a large yawn, she tugged the door open and found herself face-to-chest with Danny, who looked more nervous than Laura had ever seen her.

“Hey,” she smiled, trying to hide the shadow of guilt that had just come over her. “Come in.”

“Is this a bad time or – ?”

“Sort of, I'm going to a concert with LaF, but it's okay. What's going on?” Laura stepped back so that Danny could come in. When she did, she shut the door behind her quietly.

“Nothing, I just haven't gotten to hang out with you since the other night. Are you going to hook up with any strangers at this concert?”

That question was a little out-of-the-ordinary. Anybody who knew Laura knew that she didn't “hook up,” though she couldn't help but think of Carmilla when Danny asked, and another rush of guilt appeared. She gave an awkward laugh and a “That's not really my thing.”

This seemed to make Danny happy, and she gave Laura a big grin, sitting down on the stool by Betty's bed. “Look, I hope this is obvious, but I – I really like you, Laura. Really, really. More than I've liked, like, anybody. I just kind of get nervous, and I really want to hang out later, so I thought that I could give you a reason to maybe come back sooner?” She was so nervous, constantly fidgeting with her hands, and the whole time she talked, she was looking down. There might be the chance that Danny knew something was up, and that was what was making her so anxious, but Laura didn't want to think about that. It was too complicated.

Laura had no idea what to do. She wanted to say 'I really really like you too,' but she couldn't. Things were too complicated now. She just stayed quiet and let Danny grab her wrist and pull her forward.

Her phone buzzed on her bed, and she knew it was LaF, but Danny asked her to stay for another minute.

Why was she doing this? She shouldn't be here. This wasn't right. For as clueless as Laura usually was, she knew what was coming. Laura stood there for a few seconds and watched the way Danny looked at her – the way she had always wanted Danny to look at her, and she was frozen.

And in that moment, Danny tugged her forward again and kissed her.


	5. What Is It You Really Want? I'm Tired of Askin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "Through the Dark" by One Direction; "22" by Taylor Swift; "Hurricane" by 30 Seconds to Mars; "Out of the Black" by Royal Blood; "Iris" by Sleeping with Sirens; "Lost" by Within Temptation; "This Is Gospel" by Panic! at the Disco; "The Phoenix" by Fall Out Boy; and "Think Twice" by Eve 6.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: anxiety attacks

As soon as Laura was in their line of sight, LaFontaine knew something was wrong. Her eyes were practically popping out of her head, staring resolutely at the concrete below. She looked like she had seen a ghost. Though that was probably within the realm of possibility at this school.

But when she got in the car, she stayed quiet, so LaF was forced to do the best friend investigative work. “Geez, frosh. What contaminated your control samples?”

Laura shook her head and said in an unusually high voice. “Oh, you know. I miss my dad. I have papers due. I'm about to be Danny's next victim.”

LaF turned the keys. They'd driven enough with Laura to know it was always better to start driving while she was distracted. “Victim? What the hell does that mean?”

Buckling her seatbelt, Laura replied, “She kissed me,” and turned to LaF expectantly.

 _Damn it_ , LaF thought to themselves. _Stupid Danny_. But when they glanced at Laura, they couldn't help but notice how upset she looked, which was weird. Not that she hadn't been acting weird lately. There had been very little conversation, which was strange for Laura, and instead, more blank stares and tapping of pencils. There were even unfinished cans of grape soda in her fridge. “That's great,” they said, trying very hard to mean it.

“Mm hmm...” Laura mumbled.

After a few minutes, LaF couldn't help but ask, “It is great, isn't it?” They lowered the volume of the radio as a signal that Laura was welcome to talk as they started speeding up to merge onto the freeway.

“I – I don't know,” she stuttered. “I – I really thought it would be. I tried to – to make it great, but it just – ”

LaF could tell that Laura was about to cry, so they cut her off. “Hey, we don't have to talk about it, okay? It's not a big deal.”

“No, but it is. LaF, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like all I do is hurt everyone that I care about.” And there were the tears.

“Laura, what are you talking about? In what way are you hurting Danny?”

Laura was biting her lip much harder than normal as she stared at LaF. “It's – it's complicated,” she sniffled quietly. They nodded, not wanting to pry or make Laura cry any more. Usually, Laura would end up spilling anyway, and sure enough, less than ten seconds later, she mumbled, “I think I have feelings for somebody else.”

LaFontaine had definitely not been expecting that. “Who? Betty?”

“No, no, she's just my friend.”

“Well, I've never seen you with anybody else, so – ”

“It's someone you don't know; she doesn't even go to Silas. I met her at the grocery store that day we marathoned Harry Potter, and she invited me to a party, which is where I was that night I asked you to pick me up. And then she showed up at the Doctor Who convention because she saw my videos, and I can't get her out of my head.”

LaF had to take a few minutes to digest this information. This kind of behavior was entirely unlike Laura, and they could only imagine what her dad would say. Personally, LaFontaine thought this was great news. That meant less time with Danny, but they really didn't think that was appropriate to tell Laura.

“How well do you know this girl?” They asked.

Laura paused to think. “Um... she … she plays guitar and has a brother. She's kind of broody. That's about it.”

LaF gave Laura a “seriously?” stare, which caused a glassiness to come into her eyes. They quickly shook their head and said, “Look, I'm not one to judge. If you think your feelings are strong enough that you can give up what you have with Danny, then I don't see why you shouldn't. But I also know that these feelings better be grounded in more than just physical appearance, mystery, or musical talents. Because Danny really likes you, Laura.”

“I know,” she mumbled quietly.

“You're a good person, okay? And you don't hurt everyone you care about. I'm not hurt, am I? Unless you don't care about me.” They raised their eyebrows, trying to get a small smile out of their best friend. They succeeded. “Laura, you're one of the kindest people I know. That's why you feel so guilty about this, but something has to stop before you drive yourself insane. This is going to sound ridiculously cliché, but … do what your heart tells you. It hasn't screwed you over before.” They paused for a second before adding, “And whatever you decide, I got your back, L.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. Friends forever, Hollis.” They held out their fist, and Laura pounded it while rolling her eyes.

“So what's going on with you and Perry?” she asked. LaF couldn't help but notice she had finally closed her eyes, trying to fight her panic.

Instead of answering, LaF put in a CD marked 'Laura's Songs' and turned up the volume slightly. They always left this CD in their car for whenever Laura started getting anxious. They also had all the same songs on a playlist on their iPhone just in case. Thankfully, Laura hadn't had an anxiety attack this semester, but LaF knew it was only a matter of time. She got anxiety attacks a lot.

The first time Laura got an anxiety attack was on the one-year anniversary of her mom's death. She was only eight, and LaF was about to turn nine. They had been sitting on LaF's couch with Perry staring out the big window in the living room watching Perry's mom back out of the driveway when Laura started crying out of nowhere. She kept getting whiter like she couldn't breathe, and LaF had never been as scared as they were in that moment. Perry ran to get their mom, who tried to calm Laura down while LaF's dad called Mr. Hollis. LaF went in the bathroom to cry when Laura left with her dad to go to the hospital, and Perry had to come in to get them out.

She didn't have another one for a while, and by that time, LaF was old enough to understand what was going on. It was their eighth grade graduation party, and no one had seen Laura in a while, so LaF went outside to the swingset in their backyard. Laura was sitting underneath the slide where they used to hide together when they were smaller. She looked ridiculous under there in her pink dress, and there was no way LaF was going to fit, but they didn't care. They knelt down across from her and told her they wouldn't stop being friends, but Laura was too worked up. She said that LaF was going to leave her like everyone else did. She started getting bad again, but she didn't want LaF to get her dad, so LaF had to calm her down.

Freshman year was really bad for Laura. She got anxiety attacks all the time, but LaF got really good at helping her get through them, not that that was something they wanted to be good at. They would rather Laura didn't get attacks at all. She was so fragile inside, even though she did her best to hide it. That was what scared them about Danny. She was reckless sometimes; she was busy; she was popular. And if Danny knew how breakable Laura was, she would smother her, which wasn't what Laura needed either. LaF didn't get to be popular because they had to worry about Laura, had to look out for Laura when she needed them to. That was the job they'd been given, and sure, it wasn't easy, and it hurt them that Laura had to go through this, but they didn't care. Laura was their friend, and she was always there for LaF, so LaF was always there for her. It was just the way things were, and it was the same with Perry. They didn't need to be popular when they had two of the best friends anyone could ask for.

 _22_ by Taylor Swift started playing, and Laura perked up enough to open her eyes as LaF cranked it all the way up. After a little while, she started singing along excitedly, and LaF joined in. This was one of those times they would tell their kids about, driving on a long empty road, forgetting about all the shit that kept piling up, singing and laughing with their best friend. It didn't get better than this.

* * *

 

Laura was standing next to LaFontaine, who kept looking up at the dimmed stage excitedly, in the middle of a large crowd of probably 100 people. They were at a park, which wasn't what she had expected at all, but she didn't mind. The stars were shining brightly in the sky, and it was nice to be outside in the fresh air rather than packed into a stadium or something. The stage had a drum set and a keyboard on either side, a microphone in front of each instrument, and in the very front was a mic clearly meant for the lead singer.

LaF kept checking their phone every two seconds waiting for it to be 7:30. “How come you've never mentioned this band before?” Laura asked curiously. “You seem to like them a lot.”

As they spoke, they kept their eyes peeled on the stage. “Well, their name is Virgin Sacrifice, so I tend to get weird looks when I talk about them.” Laura could see why.

Everyone around them seemed to be college students, and most of them were excited, but no one was as excited as LaF. “What kind of music do they sing?”

They thought for a minute. “I'd say they're a lot like Fall Out Boy or Panic! at the Disco. Maybe The Killers? They have a punk vibe to them, but they're not screamo or pop, though they occasionally do screamo, and it still sounds good. They sing a lot of pop covers, but they usually make them a little more punk. You should check them out on Youtube when we get back to Silas.”

“Maybe I will,” Laura shrugged. She didn't mind some of Fall Out Boy's stuff, but she preferred One Direction, Taylor Swift, and Ed Sheeran. “How long have you been listening to them?”

“A couple months. They've actually gotten a lot better than they were when they started off.” Their phone suddenly turned to 7:30, and they actually started jumping to get a better view of the stage. “We need to get closer,” they muttered before attempting to squeeze through the groups of people, pulling Laura behind them.

They didn't get very far, but it was at least far enough that they could see the stage without standing on their tiptoes. Laura could feel the energy start to build as the minutes passed. LaF was probably close to passing out at this point.

Finally, someone walked onto the stage, and the crowd erupted in cheers. The lights hadn't turned on yet, and they were still pretty far from the stage, so it was kind of hard to make out all the details, but Laura could tell that it was a girl, and that she was carrying drumsticks and sitting down behind the drums towards the back of the stage. She was wearing a beanie over her dark hair, shredded black jeans, and a white tank top. She started playing a simple beat on the cymbals.

“That's Ell,” LaF shouted above the noise.

Another figure came out and stood behind the keyboard on the right side of the stage, playing a melody to match the drum beat. He looked vaguely familiar, a Deathly Hallows shirt and tight black jeans clinging to his skin. A lot of girls (and some guys) shouted even louder for him as he adjusted his mic and ran a hand through messy black hair.

“That's Will.”

Before Laura had time to fully wrap her head around this information, the lead singer walked out, met with the loudest yell from LaF and everyone else. She had an electric guitar across her back and was wearing black leather pants, a cropped black tank top, an anchor necklace, and a red flannel with the sleeves rolled up. Her black hair fell over her shoulders, bangs dangling in front of her right eye. She was wearing black-rimmed glasses too, which she adjusted before gripping the mic. Laura was sure she stopped breathing when LaF said, “And that fantastic specimen is Carmilla,” which they followed with an ear-shattering cheer.

 _Carmilla_ , Laura thought, repeating her name over and over again, but her mind went silent when the girl started singing.

_“No matter how many times that you told me you wanted to leave,_  
_No matter how many breaths that you took, you still couldn't breathe,_  
_No matter how many nights that you'd lie wide awake to the sound of the poison rain._  
_Where did you go?_  
_Where did you go?_  
_Where did you go?”_

“Told you she was hot,” LaF smiled, clearly commenting on Laura's speechlessness.

_“As the days go by, the night's on fire.”_

Carmilla swung her guitar around, and as she strummed the first chord, the lights slammed on, and the crowd went absolutely out of their minds.

_“Tell me would you kill to save a life?_  
_Tell me would you kill to prove you're right?_  
_Crash, crash, burn. Let it all burn._  
_This hurricane's chasing us all underground.”_

Laura was positively in awe. Carmilla was amazing, and even though the song by itself would normally be something she wasn't interested in, it was all she could do to keep from crying because of the emotion rising up in her. She tried to stifle it by focusing on Will, who was really good at piano, and she had finally recognized, but that didn't work for very long. Laura ended up staring at Carmilla for the rest of the song, but everyone else was doing the same thing, especially the women.

As they wrapped up the first song, the crowd cheered and applauded again, and Carmilla gave a smile that sent goosebumps across Laura's body. “Hey,” she said confidently into the microphone, greeted by several whistles and a lot of cheering. The girl to LaF's right looked like she was about to cry as soon as Carmilla spoke. To be honest, Laura had probably looked the same during the first song. “So we're gonna play some of our most popular covers tonight, but we'll probably do a few songs from our new album, which you should all have illegally downloaded by now. This first one was written by my brother.”

A few people seemed to know which song was coming up because they were getting excited again, and as Carmilla and Will switched places, Will now taking up the guitar and standing in front of the mic, a guy at the front shouted, “I love you, Will!” A smile crept over his face as he winked at the guy, and Laura couldn't help but grin.

He started playing a few chords before the drums came in, and off they all went. Will could sing too, which didn't surprise Laura as much after his sister. She tried to focus on him again, but instead, she wound up staring at Carmilla, who was gazing at her fingers, which were doing things Laura didn't know were possible.

_“Cuz it's an angry existentialist punk rock thing_  
_And we don't need all the bullshit you bring._  
_We wear black and stay up too late drinking._  
_We look at the stars and we say what we're thinking._  
_So fuck you and fuck me and fuck everything_  
_Cuz it's an angry existentialist punk rock thing.”_

“Nice lyrics,” Laura chuckled as she turned to LaF, who shrugged.

“Yeah, it's not my favorite, but it's not the worst. A lot of people really like it.”

Will started on a guitar solo that was actually really impressive, and when Laura glanced at Carmilla, she could see the pride in her eyes. After the solo, Will put his middle finger into the air and started singing the chorus one last time.

Following his big song, Will pulled back from the mic with a large smirk. Carmilla came and took her guitar back before glancing at the drummer – whatever her name was, Laura couldn't remember – and they started playing a massive guitar and drum solo that had LaF head-banging.

Will stayed up to sing vocals with Carmilla on the first verse.

_“How did it feel when it came alive and took you_  
_Out of the black?_  
_It broke your skin and shook through_  
_Every part of me, every part of you.”_

At the chorus, Carmilla dropped out to play guitar, and Will sang by himself, an edgy quality to his voice that Laura couldn't help but like.

“What is this?” she shouted, nudging LaF with her shoulder.

“Out of the Black by Royal Blood,” they answered.

Carmilla was hard-core jamming on the stage. Laura had genuinely no clue how she was able to do what she was doing; her fingers were flying all over the place, and Laura remembered how those same fingers had patiently covered hers while she tried to remember how to play a G chord.

The song ended abruptly, and Carmilla nodded to herself, probably pleased that she had gotten through that without messing up. She approached the mic again as Will settled back down behind his keyboard.

“So we're gonna slow things down a bit now,” Carmilla says, adjusting something on her guitar. Laura didn't know what they were actually called – those windy things at the top of a guitar that looked kind of like keys. “This is one of my favorite covers we've ever done, which is why I had it put on our album.”

“Oh shit!” LaF whispered enthusiastically to Laura. “This is it! This is my favorite song that they do!”

Laura nodded to them and made sure to pay extra special attention. It was not going to be hard.

Will started first, playing a piano melody that tugged on Laura's heart. Carmilla began singing at the same time her guitar came in. She looked so serious that Laura could feel the breath fly out of her; her eyes were closed, and she was pressed as close as she could be to the mic.

_“And I'd give up forever to touch you_  
_Cuz I know that you feel me somehow._  
_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,_  
_And I don't wanna go home right now.”_

Laura actually knew this song, which was a first, but that actually made it even worse. Carmilla's voice was like an angel's. Whereas the previous song had been a lot of yelling and rocking, this one was soft, and her voice poured into the melody perfectly.

When she started singing the chorus, Laura felt tears slip out of her eyes.

_“And I don't want the world to see me_  
_Cuz I don't think that they'd understand._  
_When everything's meant to be broken,_  
_I just want you to know who I am.”_

And then everything clicked. The way Carmilla acted, the things she said, the little she knew about her. It was all in this song. It was in the way Carmilla sang it, like she meant every word. Sometimes, she would look up at the stars, and Laura would do the same, and she could feel it inside her. Laura didn't know what it was exactly, but she felt like she could touch the stars if she wanted.

Looking back at the stage, Laura watched Will play the piano with a serious expression, but not for long. Her eyes wanted Carmilla. They wanted to take everything about this moment in; they wanted to replay it over and over again for the rest of her life. It was as if there was no one there but Carmilla and Laura. The rest of the world was black, one light shining from her that only Laura could see.

_“And you can't fight the tears that ain't comin'_  
_Or the moment of truth in your lies._  
_When everything feels like the movies,_  
_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive.”_

That was when she knew. She knew that this was more than physical attraction and leather pants. It was more than some fantastical whim and guitar strings. It was Carmilla, and Laura needed to be a part of her life; she needed to be the one who knew who Carmilla was. Because she didn't know that she could stand if it were anyone else. Because Carmilla was worth it. Somehow, Laura knew that she was. It was right there in the song.

The song ended with Will's beautiful piano, and Laura hurried to wipe under her eyes before LaF could notice, but they did anyway. “Told you,” they grinned.

The crowd was silent for once before exploding into applause. Clearly, that was a favorite for more than just LaFontaine.

Without saying anything, Carmilla started playing guitar again, and for a little while, it was just her and the guitar, which, no offense to Will or what's-her-face, was what Laura preferred.

_“My hope is on fire._  
_My dreams are for sale._  
_I dance on a wire._  
_But don't want to fail her.”_

“What's that other girl's name?” Laura asked.

“The drummer? That's Ell,” they replied.

Ell started singing in the background during the next part.

_“I walk against the stream_  
_Far from what I believe in._  
_I run towards towards the end_  
_Trying not to give in.”_

Both the drums and the keyboard started going on the next part, and Laura watched something strange happen to Carmilla's face as she sang, and she got the feeling that this song had more significance than she was letting on.

_“She's lost in the darkness,_  
_Fading away._  
_I'm still around here,_  
_Screaming her name._  
_She's haunting my dreamworld,_  
_Trying to survive._  
_My heart is frozen._  
_I'm losing my mind._  
_Help me, I'm buried alive,_  
_Buried alive.”_

“I've never heard this one,” LaF said. “It must be new.” After a second, they added, “Kinda eerie, don't you think?”

“Just a little. The band is named Virgin Sacrifice. Were you expecting something else?” Laura raised her eyebrows, and LaFontaine shook their head, turning back to the stage.

After this song, they played one called _Terrible As the Night_. LaF told her the song was inspired by _The Jungle Book_ , which was funny because Laura was supposed to be reading that right now instead of attending a concert. Not that she had any regrets.

Next, Carmilla and Ell switched places, and Ell sang a couple songs that neither LaF nor Laura enjoyed very much. The only benefit was Laura got to watch Carmilla play drums, and it drove her insane. LaF also made a comment about how Carmilla wrote the best songs on the album, which made Laura's stomach squirm with an undeserved sense of pride.

When Carmilla got back on the mic, she sang a cover called _This Is Gospel_ that Laura had never heard but really liked. She sang one part with a giant smile across her face.

_“This is gospel for the vagabonds, ne'er-do-wells, and insufferable bastards.”_

Laura couldn't help but notice Will smile to himself too.

After that, Will sang _The Phoenix_ by Fall Out Boy, which Laura had only heard because it had been LaF's ringtone for a few weeks.

“Alright,” Carmilla said, strapping her guitar over her back again, “we have two more songs for you. This next one is a song I just found the other day, so it might be rusty. It's called _Think Twice_.”

She started playing a few notes, and Laura waited for her to mess up, but she never did, and neither did Will or Ell. It was not rusty at all, but Laura would admit that she found the lyrics strange. She didn't want to seem presumptuous, but it kind of sounded like Carmilla was singing it about her, and while she sang, she seemed angry.

_“She spreads her love._  
_She burns me up._  
_I can't let go._  
_I can't get out._  
_I've said enough,_  
_Enough by now._  
_I can't let go._  
_I can't get out._

_“Wait till the day you finally see_  
_I've been here waiting patiently,_  
_Crossing my fingers and my t's._  
_You cried on my shoulder begging please.”_

The resolve Laura had been feeling started to fade away until Carmilla got around to the bridge.

_“What is it you really want?_  
_I'm tired of asking.”_

Laura knew what she wanted, and it had never been as clear as it was right now, especially when she realized that if her theory was correct, Carmilla was calling her “my girl.” A blush spread across her cheeks furiously. She wanted that a little too much. 

“So the last one we're gonna play for you guys is called _Midnight Sky_ , and I wrote this when I was drunk and sitting on my roof,” Carmilla smirked.

Laura laughed, and LaF glanced at her out of the corner of their eyes. “What?” she asked. “That's funny.”

LaF didn't get the chance to answer because the song had started. It was a pretty relaxed song compared to the other stuff they'd been playing.

_“It's comforting to think how small we are,_  
_Nothing to the light of the twinkling stars._  
_And all the lives we've lead, and the people we've been_  
_Don't matter with the moon overhead._

_When the anchor weighs me down_  
_Into my living grave below,_  
_I can stare up at the midnight sky._  
_I know that things will be alright.”_

It was over too fast, and Laura watched Carmilla walk off-stage with an overwhelming mix of emotions. The crowd cheered, and she did too to LaF's surprise. She only wished they would come back so she could listen to Carmilla sing forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the ridiculous amount of lyrics, but lesbihonest, it's a Rockstar AU. Anyways, there are only two songs that I made up lyrics for, which are It's an Angry Existentialist Punk Rock Thing because of episode 1x21 and Midnight Sky, largely inspired by episode 1x16, and please don't judge me because I'm sure the lyrics are terrible. I actually planned out their whole album but didn't want to come up with lyrics for a whole bunch of songs, so the song titles for those are made up, but the covers are not. So yeah, more Hollstein comin atcha next chapter :)


	6. The One Where the Two Idiots Act Like Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "Treacherous" by Taylor Swift; "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol; "Say It Now" by The Afters; and "Wild" by Troye Sivan.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: anxiety attacks

The sun had been peeking through the window for a while now, trying to tell Laura that it was Friday morning, that she had class in a couple hours, and she needed to get at least a few minutes of sleep if she wanted to survive the day. However, despite the sun's valiant efforts, Laura Hollis had not noticed, and would have continued to be oblivious if the light hadn't started reflecting off her laptop screen.  
  
She was lying on her stomach facing her computer, the same position she had been in since she got back to her room hours ago. Youtube was playing full-screen, and she was in the middle of her third loop watching all of Virgin Sacrifice's videos. Sure, her eyes were drooping, and her stomach was aching with hunger and that nauseous reminder that meant her body needed rest. Sure, every once in a while she would tell her brain not to think about Danny, who had stopped texting her “Are you back yet?” at two a.m. Sure, Carmilla had the voice of a punk rock angel, and Laura was trying not to give in to the comfort and relaxation seeping through her body. None of it mattered. She could not tear her eyes away. Laura was overwhelmed in something she could not explain, and she was going to ride this roller coaster until something stopped her.  
  
She wanted to see Carmilla so badly it was becoming too much to handle. Laura had so many questions, most of them involving whether Carmilla was as good of a kisser as she was a singer. Maybe it was because she was tired, or maybe that's just what she was telling herself, but Laura didn't care about anything but seeing Carmilla, grabbing that stupid smug face and kissing the smirk off it. Damn her for being so mysterious and talented and sexy, and damn her for inviting Laura into her life because none of this was fair. Why couldn't she have felt so reckless the other day? If she had just listened to her gut, she could be kissing a rockstar right now. Was that stupid? Probably. Was it selfish? Definitely. But for the first time in a long time, Laura did not give a damn.  
  
She picked up her phone and hardly batted an eyelash at the texts she hadn't even realized she'd gotten, a blend of LaF and Danny, heavy on the latter. Laura went straight to her contacts and to, coincidentally, the new first name on her list: Carmilla. Her exhaustion was making her bold, and she hardly hesitated before sending a text message.  
  
 **Laura:** _Hey, I need to see you. Are you busy today?  
  
_ Then, like a school child who drank way too much grape soda dying for class to end, she stared at her phone (when she wasn't busy staring at Carmilla singing) and waited for a reply. Except it was six in the morning, and there was no way Carmilla would be awake right now. No sane person was awake right now.  
  
She rolled around on her bed, changed angles, played the How-Long-Can-I-Go-Without-Looking-At-My-Phone game, and had a tiny sing-along adventure. But even after all that, it had only been three minutes, so she kept repeating the cycle until finally, Laura fell asleep with her laptop on her stomach, headphones in her ears, phone on her neck, and light brown hair all over the place.  
  
She would have kept sleeping if she hadn't gotten a message at 8:00 that made her phone vibrate against her cheek, and woke her with a jolt. When she saw who the text was from, her heart leapt out of her chest, and Laura's eyes popped open as she read it.  
  
 **Carmilla:** _Dont u have skool?  
  
_ A smile crept across her face at Carmilla's lazy texting. It suited her, and yet, Laura had thought that might be something she was particular about. Then again, it was way before noon. As she was in the middle of replying, her phone buzzed again, and she let out a groan.  
  
 **Carmilla:** _Nvr mind idc bc we're not friends. Stop txting me.  
  
_ Laura half-chuckled to herself bitterly, trying to finish typing before Carmilla fell back asleep, hoping she could convince her that she was worth one more shot.  
  
 **Laura:** _I'm taking a day off. I want to hang out. I think I owe you an apology, and I was really hoping we could at least talk about being friends.  
  
_ That seemed okay to her. She was allowed to take a day off, so that shouldn't appear too unusual, and it didn't seem like there was any kissing subtext there. Just two not-quite-friends taking a day to get to know each other.  
  
 **Carmilla:** _Im 2 busy avoiding u cupcake  
  
_ With a small sigh, Laura sank back into her pillow, not sure why she had expected any answer other than “no” after the way she had treated Carmilla, taken advantage of her, toyed with her, pushed her away. But just as she had finished thinking this, her phone vibrated one more time.  
  
 **Carmilla:** _Fine, b there @ 9 2 get u. plz try not 2 b a morning person._  
  
Laura only took a minute to bask in her shocking victory before the panic set in as she realized that she looked like utter crap. She probably smelled like beer and a lot of people's sweat from the concert, and she had barely slept, so she leapt up and took as long of a shower as she could. Still, this panic was nice, unlike most of her other frenzies. Laura couldn't get the excited smile off her face, and once she had a little less whiff, felt fairly confident in her ability to get answers (a.k.a. kisses) out of Carmilla. She had tried to keep her outfit casual, sticking to a pair of high-waisted jeans and a button-down white shirt with blue stripes. There was no reason to dress too nicely and raise Carmilla's suspicions before she'd gotten a chance to say what she wanted to say.  
  
Right on the dot, Carmilla texted a short and sweet “Here,” and Laura took a deep breath, shutting down her laptop before practically running outside to the guest parking lot. She looked around for some sort of shady black car, but right as her shoulders slumped, a motorcycle roared into the parking lot. There was no question of who the rider was.  
  
Clad in a black leather jacket, black skinny jeans, and knee-high combat boots, Carmilla squealed to a stop right in front of Laura's feet and slid her sunglasses up, resting them in her messy hair. She revved the engine loudly before turning the key and swinging her leg over the seat. All of Laura's confidence left her instantly.  
  
“Oh hell no,” Laura exclaimed before Carmilla could say one word. She smirked, leaning her fantastic ass against the seat, and shrugged. “You don't honestly expect me to get on this death-trap, do you?” 

“I believe I was the one who walked you home for two hours.” 

_Crap_.

With a small groan, Laura resigned herself to the fact that she just might die today. She must have looked more nervous than she thought because Carmilla reassured her that she'd been driving for a while and even pulled a helmet out of her backpack. She did not hesitate in snatching it and yanking it down over her head. 

Though she could hardly see and barely hear, she knew Carmilla was laughing, and why shouldn't she be? Laura probably looked like a member of Daft Punk. Exactly the kind of cute, sexy appeal she had been aiming for. Stupid surprising, always-wearing-black, still-laughing (okay, she has a cute smile), really beautiful, skinny-jeaned, musical goddess Carmilla. 

The motorcycle roared to life as Carmilla turned the key again. Laura stared at her, not sure how she was supposed to do this. The anxiety was building rapidly, but when Carmilla turned expectantly and gave a small jerk of her head, Laura climbed on. This was not a good idea. This was arguably the worst idea in human history. But she was doing it. She sat there for a few seconds waiting for it to start moving, hoping to God she didn't vomit inside of the helmet. Before Carmilla kicked up the kickstand though, she turned around and yelled, “Hold on to me, genius!” 

Still focused on remaining conscious, Laura had not moved one millimeter in the fifteen seconds since she had sealed her own fate. Thankfully, Carmilla reached back, grabbed Laura's hands and wrapped them around her waist where they held a vice-like grip on the shirt underneath her jacket. At this point, Laura Hollis was about two minutes from a full-on panic attack. Her ass was vibrating a ridiculous amount even when Carmilla started moving. 

She went slow, taking back roads and easing Laura into the ride. The panic started to go away after Laura popped open the screen on Carmilla's helmet. Cold air flooded into her lungs, and she could hear birds chirping. That was when she started telling herself over and over that this was a bike. It was just a bike. A big, rumbling, fast, heavy bike that could throw her into a tree, fall and trap her forever, or be decimated by a car. Okay, she needed to get off this thing right now.

Carmilla slowed to a stop behind a truck at a red light, and Laura slipped off clumsily and moved to the sidewalk a few feet away, trying to pull the helmet off. From somewhere a million miles away, she heard “Laura, what the _fuck_?!” Cars were beeping and echoing in Laura's head. Everything seemed to be spinning. How big was her head and how small was this helmet? Because it was not coming off. It wasn't coming off, it wasn't coming off, it wasn't coming off. 

Suddenly, hands were moving her arms down, then sliding up to the helmet and wiggling it a little before finally pulling it up hard. The world started coming into focus; Laura could hear things clearly again; Carmilla's slightly frustrated, albeit concerned, face was staring at her. “What. The. Fuck,” she repeated. Behind Carmilla, Laura could see a motorcycle lying on its side in the middle of the road. Drivers were trying to move around it, honking and occasionally flipping the two girls off. 

“Sorry,” Laura muttered, shrugging out of Carmilla's grip and running her hands through her hair. She sat down on somebody's step and buried her head between her legs, rubbing up and down on her knees and trying to breathe again, to not feel like a fucking idiot. She hugged herself close and glanced up to see Carmilla walking her motorcycle over to the sidewalk and returning the hand signs of all the soccer moms. She leaned it against a tree gently and put the helmet on the seat. “Sorry,” Laura said again quietly, looking back in her lap and watching her leg bounce up and down. 

Hesitantly, Carmilla sat next to Laura, clearing her throat and asking, “What?” 

“I said 'I'm sorry.'”

“That's what I thought.” Carmilla looked at her own lap now, and Laura could see her shake her head a little. “You know if you really didn't want to ride it, you could've just said something.” 

“Carmilla, I'm sor – ” she started again, but Carmilla cut her off. 

“Stop that.” She put a hand on Laura's knee to stop it from bouncing, and the younger girl looked up at her. “Just stop. _Please_. You are ridiculous, and headstrong. And naïve.” Carmilla squeezed her knee a little harder. “But nothing that's happening right now is your fault.” 

Laura shook her head and laughed bitterly. “Then whose is it? Because it sure as hell isn't yours.” 

“Who says it has to be anyone's fault?” she shrugged passively, expecting the other girl to say something, but she had nothing to say. She was so embarrassed. Laura could feel the eyes on her, and they were only making it worse. “Do you want to go somewhere private?” Carmilla whispered. 

“I can't get back on that thing,” she replied in defeat, but the older girl slid her phone onto Laura's lap. The Uber app was on-screen, and Laura managed a smile. 

“I wouldn't ask you to.”

* * *

When Carmilla pulled her motorcycle up to the museum, Laura had been more than surprised. When she paid the Uber driver, Laura had been flattered. When she bought Laura a water bottle and waited for her to drink it, Laura had been grateful. When she lead the way effortlessly up two flights of stairs, around the corner, through a glass door, and down a dark hallway to another door, Laura had been increasingly confused. When Carmilla opened that door to reveal the planetarium, Laura's heart stopped. 

“Are you gonna stand there all day, cupcake?” Honestly, Laura might have because she didn't think the view could possibly get any better. 

She was wrong. Carmilla pulled her through the dark up a few flights of stairs and into the middle of the room. There was a railing for them to lean against, and there was nothing but the sky, a railing, Carmilla Karnstein, and Laura Hollis. The only light came from the virtual night, filled with twinkling lights and constellations. 

For a while, neither girl said anything. Laura was still trying to calm herself down, and Carmilla graciously gave her space, standing a few feet back. Finally, she leaned her arms against the bar next to Laura and said, “It's comforting, isn't it? To think how small we are in comparison. All the lives we've led, the people we've been... Nothing to that light.” 

Carmilla had this habit of being unpredictable. It was strange seeing her so relaxed, like she had looked at the concert. Laura almost felt like she didn't belong in this private moment. Then again, she had been invited here, to a place that seemed to have significance. So in the spirit of that invitation, Laura decided to finally come clean. 

“Why didn't you tell me you're in a band?” 

She expected the facade to come back, but Carmilla just laughed to herself quietly and turned to look at Laura. “You didn't ask.” 

“You know, most people share things about themselves without being asked.” 

They both stared up at the stars again as they kept talking. 

“I'm not most people,” she replied.

“I know.” Laura hesitated. “But – I feel like – we have this thing happening with us – ” 

“Chemistry?”

“Yeah, I kind of feel like you've told me more than you tell anyone else.” 

Carmilla's voice started to stiffen, and Laura knew they were in uncomfortable territory. “Don't flatter yourself. You're not the center of my universe.” 

“I didn't mean tha – ” 

“You're not even that important to me.” 

_Ouch_. Laura looked at her now; she was still looking at the sky, but the anger in her voice was obvious. But she wasn't going to stop pushing. Carmilla was getting defensive, and that meant Laura was getting closer. “Okay, but it just seems – ” 

“I don't care how it _seems_.” Carmilla's eyes finally met hers, and they were terrifying. “I'm not a fucking mystery, Laura. You can't solve me.” She stepped a little closer. “You can't fit my pieces together because you don't even know what my pieces are. You just think you know. Like you think you know everything.” And a little bit closer. “But you don't know anything about me.” 

“Then tell me.” Laura stood her ground. Even if Carmilla had tried to rip her apart a little, she was not about to give up. She did not almost die on a motorcycle just to give up. “I want to know about you.” 

“There's nothing to know,” she brushed past Laura, walking down the stairs, but there was no way she was going to leave if Laura had anything to say about it. 

“Bullshit!” she shouted (probably too loudly) and Carmilla's shock let her catch up. She went one step below to stop the other girl from leaving, and she looked right in her eyes, eyes that seemed more terrified in this light. “Maybe I'm a little pushy, Carmilla, but how the hell else am I supposed to get anything out of you? And yeah, I am trying to figure you out, but I can't help it. You are fascinating. And I want more of you.” She stepped up, and Carmilla stepped back nervously. “I want more. I want to know you.”

“What happens when there's nothing else to know?”

“Then I'll just want you.” 

“You don't know that.” 

“That's how these things tend to work. But I have an inclination.” 

“I'm not good for you.” She was struggling to come up with arguments now, and Laura needed to take advantage of it. 

“I'll decide what's good for me, thanks.” 

“Laura, I don't – ” 

“You came to a Doctor Who convention to convince me to pick you, right?” Carmilla gave a reluctant nod. “Well, I'm picking you. I'll tell Danny whatever we have isn't there anymore, that I like somebody else.” 

“It's – ” 

“It's what?” 

“Laura, it's too late.” Her arms were wrapped around her stomach. “It's too late, okay?” 

Laura paused, seeing the way Carmilla was making herself shrink. “Why is it too late? Is there somebody else? Are you married? Engaged? In love? Leaving for China tomorrow? Dying? Did I hurt you so badly I can never make it up to you? Were you playing me?” She remained still, and Laura backed her up against the staircase railing. “Then why is it too late?” 

Carmilla had her hand on Laura's stomach, keeping her back. “Just stop, okay? You're freaking me out.” 

The smaller girl let out a groan. She knew she was crossing the line. She knew she was going crazy. To give her some credit, she'd only slept about 45 minutes. “Fine!” she moved away and gestured to the stairs. Carmilla didn't move. “Are you gonna go now or what? Make up your mind.” 

“You're a child,” she mumbled. 

“So are you,” retorted Laura when Carmilla remained still. “I'll go first then.” 

Halfway down the stairs, Laura stopped and turned back. Carmilla was still in the same spot, back against the wall, arms crossed, and eyes fixed on Laura. “If it's too late, then why are you here?” 

She waited a few seconds, but Carmilla stared resolutely back at her. God, she was childish. Laura was now so frustrated that she could feel her eyes welling up as she turned around and kept walking, refusing to look back. She turned the doorknob as hard as she possibly could. But it didn't open. She turned it again, and it clicked a few times. “Oh, for fucks – ” 

“I can't stay away from you.” 

Laura jumped practically three feet in the air, her ass landing on the hard floor. She thought Carmilla might help her up, but instead, she got on her knees. 

“Jesus Christ, Carmilla,” Laura sighed, moving to stand up, but the other girl grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down. She landed across Carmilla's lap, one hand on the floor with Carmilla's wrapped around her wrist, the other pressed into Carmilla's thigh. Only now did her brain register that Carmilla had actually said something, and she lifted her head up. 

Carmilla's eyes were wide, her gaze moving around Laura's face. She licked her lips, making Laura's stomach jump. Her mouth was slightly open for a few seconds before she swallowed and said, “I'm here because I can't stay away from you.” 

Laura kissed her first. She kissed her hard. She didn't know what she was doing, or how to actually kiss anyone, but she sure as hell was going to try. 

After a few seconds, Carmilla pushed her back so she was on her knees. Her eyes were still closed, and she only opened them when Carmilla pulled her to her feet. 

“Did I do it wrong?” she mumbled, shrinking back a little bit. Carmilla was looking at her, really looking at her, and Laura had never been as anxious as she was right now. “You know, it would be really cool if you could say something because – ” 

In one fluid motion, Carmilla lifted her up and kissed her, guiding Laura's legs around her hips as she slammed her into the wall. Laura slid a hand into black hair without even thinking about it, cupping the back of her neck to keep Carmilla's lips on hers. She tried not to think about the fact that she had no idea what she was doing and focused on touching as much of Carmilla as she could. Unfortunately, she was limited to the top third because of their position. But who really cared about that when Carmilla had the most beautiful arms, shoulders, chest, neck, hair, and face that had ever graced the planet? When Carmilla's fingers brushed against her thighs, Laura's stomach flipped, and she let out a tiny moan into Carmilla's mouth. 

With a small laugh, Carmilla pulled back and beamed. “What was that?” 

Was it warm in here? Or was that just Laura's cheeks starting on fire? “You – I – uhh – I don't – how should I know?” 

Carmilla brushed their noses together, and Laura leaned forward for a kiss that didn't come. Instead, Carmilla decided to tease her, gently running her hands all over Laura's thighs. She had so many goosebumps it was insane, and every time Carmilla hovered close to her lips, she lost her mind. “This isn't fair,” Laura whined. 

Carmilla put her lips on Laura's neck and started kissing softly, moving up to her ear. “I think it's very fair,” she whispered, and tingles went all the way down her spine, making her shudder. Thankfully, she had mercy on Laura and set her down on the ground, leaning back in and finally giving Laura what she wanted, even if it wasn't long enough. 

Laura didn't think she could open her eyes. Her entire body was numb. Carmilla shook her a little to get her attention, and she finally looked in those beautiful eyes, a wave of guilt rushing over her. “I'm sorry I was an asshole,” Laura muttered. 

“I'm sorry I made you have a panic attack.” Carmilla tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled cautiously down at her. “So...” 

Laura slid her hands up and down Carmilla's arms. “So what?” 

“I guess I'll have to sing more often if this is what it does to you.” 

For a split second, Laura debated melting into a human puddle of embarrassment. Then she decided kissing was better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo some stuff happened in my life. And for a while, I didn't give a shit about anything, let alone fanfiction. But I'm doing well now, and I finally wanted to write this God damn fic. I'm sorry about the wait, but I feel like I made up for it? Or at least I plan to keep trying. Thank you for sticking with my story <3 it's nowhere near over.  
> P.S. Listen to "Wild" by Troye Sivan even if you're not listening to it while you read. Mary Margaret mother of Emma it is the best song that has ever existed.


	7. Shall We Play a (Blame) Game?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "9 Crimes" by Damien Rice, "Trouble" by Coldplay, and "Don't Look Down" by OneRepublic. 
> 
> Chapter Warnings: lots and lots of sadness

Kissing Carmilla was the most wonderful thing Laura could imagine. It was the definition of addicting. It was a high she never wanted to come down from.

Except she already had. She'd come way way down.

The problem with kissing Carmilla was that she hadn't talked to Danny first, and the guilt had been eating Laura alive ever since they'd finally gotten out of the planetarium. At the time, there had been no rush to get the door open. But Carmilla had to go to the bathroom, so she picked the lock a little too impressively. Once Laura was alone, it really started to sink in. When she got a text from Danny, her stomach dropped through the floor. Carmilla had asked her what was wrong, but she hadn't had the courage to tell her, or the ability to stop the other girl from kissing her again. And a second time when she dropped her off at school.

It was four o'clock now. Laura was beyond exhausted. Her entire body was crying out for sleep that she knew wasn't going to come until she told Danny the truth. Not that she was in a rush to hurt Danny, or selfishly trying to hurt her now so she could get back to Carmilla as soon as possible. Somewhere in Laura's brain, she had realized just how cruel she'd been to Danny, and even to Carmilla. Danny was sweet and kind and charming, so Laura owed her the truth.

Part of her believed that the older girl would be strong enough to handle this. Laura couldn't be that important to someone like Danny Lawrence. There were so many girls (and guys, for that matter) who were interested in her. Besides, it's not like they were dating, right? So Laura technically didn't do anything wrong.

She gave up trying to justify herself pretty quickly after that, finally sending the dreaded text message that had been sitting in her phone for two hours. Less than a minute later, Danny replied with a “Be there soon :)” and Laura tried to remove the emoticon from existence.

Time seems to move unbearably quickly when you're dreading something, and Laura could now confirm this theory. This morning, the minutes had passed by in days, and now the days were passing by in minutes, and there was nothing she could do to stop them.

Light, innocent knocks pounded into her door like the thud of an executioner's glove, abruptly breaking through her thoughts. When Danny came in with a wide smile across her face, Laura immediately started trying to find a way out of telling her the truth. There was no need to make anything worse with Danny. Surely making her miserable wasn't the right thing to do. But she had already done the wrong thing. And once again, she was back to going in circles.

Long arms wrapped her up in a hug Laura hesitated to return. “Hi,” Danny mumbled shyly, backing up and sitting on Laura's bed with her legs stretched in front of her.

“Hey,” replied Laura, trying to return her smile before sitting down next to her, folding her hands in her lap, and staring at the floor. She opened her mouth a couple times, but nothing came out. After a solid minute of awkward silence, both Danny and Laura managed to speak, but they did it at the same time.

“So what did we do in class today – ”

“How was the concert – ”

They laughed uncomfortably before Danny gathered the nerve to slide a little closer to Laura and put a hand on her thigh. “You can go first,” she decided.

Clearing her throat and postponing her horrible fate, Laura repeated, “What did we do in class today?”

“We went through a handout with questions from _The Jungle Book_ reading. There were actually a ton, but I took notes for you.” The good person inside of Laura groaned in defeat at this. “You should have told me you weren't feeling well this morning. I would have brought you something.”

“Danny...” Laura muttered, unsure of where to go from here. Even saying her name felt wrong. “Look, I don't – ”

“It's okay, Laura.” As she started speaking, the taller girl put a few inches between them. “I know what you're gonna say.”

Laura's eyebrows scrunched together. “I don't … think you do...” The look on Danny's face didn't seem angry enough for that statement to be true.

“This is about last night, right?” Laura tried to come up with a response, but Danny didn't give her enough time. “When I kissed you, that … that freaked you out.”

“N – no, I – I mean – yes – I guess but – ”

“Laura, it's okay. We can go slower. I just – ” She swung her legs up behind her and faced Laura for a moment before looking down at her lap. “I really like you. And I didn't know how to wait anymore.”

That seemed like the kind of sentence a person should respond to. Danny's eyes were searching Laura for any signals telling her which way to aim in the conversation if she had to keep talking. She would definitely have to keep talking because the freshman had gone silent and still in the face of her guilt.

“I actually didn't know if you liked me because we were hanging out for so long, and nothing was happening. But then you held my hand at the movies and kissed my cheek after, so I took that as a sign.” Laura remained motionless, her mouth opening slowly and closing immediately afterwards. “You do, right? Like me, I mean?”

Laura couldn't look at her anymore. With every word, Danny's eyes became more desperate and confused. “I don't know,” Laura finally managed to get out in a whisper.

Most people would probably have taken a second to process this, but Danny was not most people. Quick to anger and abounding in pain, she scoffed, “You don't know?” A bitter laugh hit Laura's ears like a curse. “You either like me or you don't, Laura. There is no 'I don't know.'”

“Yes, there is!” the smaller girl insisted, finally looking Danny in the face. “I – I did like you. I think – I _know_ I still do. But – ”

“But what?!” Danny shot off the bed, running her hands through her hair.

“There's somebody else.”

What happened next seemed to take years. Because for the first time since Laura had met her, Danny looked close to tears. “Somebody else.” Quiet was worse. Laura preferred it when she was yelling.

“I like her. And we kissed today. But I liked you first. … I don't know what to do.” She rubbed her eyes with her palms to stop herself from crying, but her voice cracked when she spoke, and Danny jumped back to being pissed.

“So… what, you want my _advice_? Is that why you texted me? Because we're such great friends you think I'll tell you to forget me and make yourself happy? To let you off the hook?!”

“No! That's – ”

“I thought you were a good person!”

“I – ”

“How long?!” It was like Danny hadn't even registered her attempt to speak.  
  
“What?”

“How long has it been since you met,” she struggled for a minute before spitting the last word out like it was a disease, “ _whoever_?”

Laura decided she was going to stop trying to argue now. She would just take whatever was coming to her. “Since you came over for the first time.”

Danny turned her back to Laura, crossing her arms. She was still for a moment; then she mumbled, “Who is it?”

Hesitantly, Laura replied, “That – it doesn't matter.”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say because the older girl whirled around so fast she probably broke her neck. “The fuck it doesn't! Who is it?!” Laura stood up slowly, but as soon as she was on her feet, the taller girl walked over to the door and yanked it open, muttering a hostile “Never mind,” as she did.

“Wait! Danny – ”

“Stop.” The older girl turned around, her eyes thrusting a knife into Laura's chest and holding it there. “You don't get to do that.” She took a step closer, and the smaller girl couldn't help but back up, terrified. “You don't get to ask me for anything.”  
  
“Danny please...”

“Please _what_?”

“Just let me make it up to you.”

Another laugh, another twist of the knife. “You don't get to ask me for anything,” she repeated. “You don't get to text me. You don't get to talk to me. You don't get to look at me. Hell, you don't even get to think about me!”

In a moment of sheer panic, Laura yelled back, “That's not _fair_! We weren't even dating!”

Danny looked like she was about to hit her. “It doesn't matter! You used me and led me on for how many weeks while you were hanging around and kissing her!”  
  
“Led you _on_?! Because we went to the movies?! Because we held hands?! Because I kissed you on the cheek?!” _Yeah_ , Laura thought to herself, _that would be why_.

“Oh, for fuck's sake, Laura! Five minutes ago, you said you still liked me, so don't pull the people-can-just-be-friends bullshit!” Girls had started emerging from their rooms now, peeking down the hallway. When Perry knocked on the doorframe seemingly out of nowhere, looking extremely concerned, Danny took a deep breath before delivering the final blow so only Laura could hear. “I can't believe how wrong I was about you.”

Perry backed out of her way as she left the room, and Danny slammed the door shut, finally wrenching the blade out of Laura's gut. The sound of the door reverberated around the entire floor. The dresser to the right of Laura's door was still shaking a little from the force, but not nearly as hard as Laura's hands shook, wrapping around her stomach.

She wished Danny would put the knife back in: this pain was worse. It was so much worse.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Laura had talked to anyone other than LaF and Perry. It was like she wasn't a part of her own life, like she was in black and white, and everyone else was in color. Even something about being with her two best friends was unfamiliar. A constant guilt was bearing down on her that ruined the atmosphere of whatever room she was in. Laura didn't think she had a right to complain about how shitty she felt, and when she said anything, it was pretty clear LaF and Perry weren't sure she did either. They were still supportive, but how can you support someone after they go against their own morals? It was the exact definition of cognitive dissonance. And it was making everything in Laura's life dissonant.

Respectful of Danny's wishes, Laura made sure to leave her alone. The only time they saw each other was in the one class they shared, and Danny arrived intentionally late now to avoid being in a silent room with her sort of ex-girlfriend. Laura had helplessly attempted not to blame herself so harshly, but between reality and her anxiety, she was overwhelmed with evidence that she had fucked up. Plain and simple. It had been a few days since she had come to this realization, and she had been trying to work up the courage to speak to Danny after class, but immediately after they were dismissed, Danny would go over to Elsie, who had this great habit of glaring at Laura like she was the Devil himself.

And of course, there was the terrifying fact that Carmilla hadn't texted her either. Not once. To be honest, even if she had, Laura probably wouldn't have texted her back. Not when thinking about her just served as a reminder of what she had done. Being with Carmilla now would just mean continuing to live in cognitive dissonance. Maybe being alone was better. That way she couldn't hurt anyone else...

“Laura!”

Her head snapped up from staring at a textbook she had not remembered was there. Voices from the cafeteria flooded back to her with the sound of forks against plates.

“Did you sleep last night?” Perry asked, clear concern written all over her face.

Laura shrugged, closing her book finally and giving a tell-tale yawn.

“I'll take that as a no. I don't know why you insist on torturing yourself. Danny should see from how miserable you are that you've paid for your mistake.”

“I guess,” she replied, prodding her cookie with a fork.

Perry opened her mouth again but wound up saying nothing, turning to LaFontaine for support and noticing that they were doing the exact same thing. “And what's wrong with you?” she asked, perhaps a little too harshly.

“Nothing, Perr, it doesn't matter.”

“You're not eating. I think we both know something's going on,” Perry stated blatantly, and LaF smirked briefly.

“Virgin Sacrifice broke up.”

 _That_ got Laura's attention. “Why?” she asked before Perry got the chance, perking up a little.

“I don't know,” they shrugged. “Will tweeted it this morning.”

For one brief second, Laura considered texting Carmilla, but just as she took out her phone, something hit her in the side of the head. Something squishy and gross that was now dripping down her face and packed a surprising punch.

Perry was on her feet instantly, marching herself over to Danny's table where Elsie was laughing, and Danny looked horrified. LaF hurriedly packed up Laura's backpack and tugged her into the bathroom before Perry started yelling.

“If it's any consolation, red looks good on you,” LaF sighed as they began picking bits of tomato out of Laura's hair, which, incidentally, was a very difficult task. Laura wrapped her hands around the sides of the sink and leaned over with her eyes closed. “Did it hurt?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, one tear quickly getting brushed off her cheek.

“You know you don't have to take that, Laura.” LaF abandoned their search for tomato shrapnel to sit against the sink next to her.

Laura yanked her sweatshirt over her head a little too aggressively, throwing it right in the trash. “Why shouldn't I?”

“Look, I'm not going to condone what you did. Yeah, it could have been worse, but it could have been better. Either way, you spent two weeks dying of guilt, not eating, not sleeping, not talking... You've paid your dues. There are some people who do what you did when they're married, and they don't feel one ounce of guilt.”

Her knuckles tightened and went white against the sink.

“The person who messed up, Laura, that's not you. I know you.” She felt LaF's hand cover hers hesitantly. “So come back. Let yourself come back. _Please_.” Laura looked up into the mirror at her wet cheeks, bloodshot eyes, cracked lips, and messy hair. Nothing was recognizable. “If you don't want to be this, then don't.”

The door to the bathroom burst open, and Perry came in, clearly still riled up from her encounter with Danny. “I swear, some people are so childish,” she said, shaking her head, not registering what was happening. She just sighed and went to work inspecting Laura's head. “We should get you an ice pack, sweetie.”

“Yeah,” Laura chuckled, “probably a good idea. It feels like someone hit me with a Stunning Spell.”

Perry had not heard Laura make a _Harry Potter_ reference in two weeks, but she pretended not to give any attention to it. “Why don't you go change? LaF and I can bring your bag and a first aid kit.”

“I'm not dying, Perry.” Laura stood upright and shoved her hands in her pockets with a small smirk.

Perry looked close to tears when she replied, “I know, but you can't be too careful.”

 

* * *

 

Laura felt substantially better after a shower and a nap, well enough to actually read her textbook this time. It was nearing 11:00 p.m., and her eyes were pleading with her to sleep, but she just had a couple more pages to go. For a moment, she closed her eyes and sunk deeper into her pillow, but a buzz jolted her awake. Yawning, she flipped her phone open.

 **Carmilla:** _I need to see you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing I really wanted to do with this fic was vary the chapter length, so this chapter is shorter than the others, but it's also more painful. I apologize for that.


	8. When It Rains, It Pours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Want to listen to some music? Try "Rain City" by Merce feat. Farisha, "Always in My Head" by Coldplay, "I Found" by Amber Run, and "Touch" by Troye Sivan.
> 
> There are no warnings for this chapter.

Carmilla's words called to Laura, as if supporting the older girl was her sole purpose, as if no matter which direction she ran, she would keep ending up there – with her. Every muscle and bone in her small body was awake and alive and determined to track Carmilla down. Her senses were longing for a whiff of perfume or a perfect mess of black hair. She might as well be an animal incapable of making her own decisions. All that mattered was survival. And survival was now a synonym for Carmilla.

Laura's thumbs hovered over the buttons on her phone. She sat straight up, swinging tiny legs over the edge of the bed. There were so many things she wanted to ask: Where have you been? Why now? What happened with your band? Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? Please tell me everything is okay.

It would all be too much. These were questions she could ask when she was with Carmilla. Laura only needed one word to figure out how to get to her.

 **Laura** : _Where?_

The girl pushed herself up and started getting ready, assuming Carmilla's reply would take a little while like it normally did. Tonight was an exception. The screen on her phone hadn't even dimmed.

 **Carmilla:** _Do you know where the park is? The one close to your dorm?_

 **Laura:** _I think so, be there soon._

Laura ran into the bathroom and fixed her hair before pulling yoga pants over her boy shorts and an old grey hoodie over her grubby tank top. She didn't look the best, her eyes still red and dry from two weeks of crying and exhaustion. Luckily, her hair, a little damp from the shower, smelled nice after she'd washed all the tomato out of it. She couldn't bear to stand still anymore, shoving her phone in the front pocket of her hoodie and racing towards the door.

It was pouring outside. She could hear raindrops thudding against the rooftop and gusts of wind rattling glass windows. It didn't matter. All that mattered was survival. Laura could live with the wet and the cold. She could not live without Carmilla anymore.

Okay, she probably could. She definitely could. She just didn't want to. The truth was that being with Carmilla was exhilarating; it made life without her boring. Now that Laura knew Carmilla, she couldn't go back to the way things were before.

Carmilla had changed everything.

* * *

 

Pouring had been an understatement. Each drop of rain felt like an electric shock against Laura's face. Her hood had been tugged over her head a long time ago, and her hands were shoved in the front pocket of her hoodie, but it wasn't enough. It had been sufficient for a few minutes when Laura was on campus, able to duck under the overhangs of buildings for temporary shelter, but once she made it into the park, there was nothing to protect her from the endless torrential waterfall cascading from her shoulders to her shoes.

Laura was freezing, drenched to the bone, and kind of lost. She'd never actually been to this park before, even if she knew where it was. There were trees howling everywhere, practically dumping buckets of water on her limbs. She kept walking down the muddy dirt path, deciding that, somehow, Carmilla would be worth it.

By some miracle, her icy feet found their way to a playground. The first detail she picked out happened to be the most important: a small red tube slide. It looked worn and slightly dented, but it would be enough. Laura quickly climbed the rubber steps and ducked into the slide. Her size made it difficult to avoid slipping down into the puddle that would leave her ass soaking wet, but she managed to prop herself up against the side with her feet pressed against the opposite end. Finally, she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

 **Carmilla:** _Where are you?_

 **Laura:** _I'm in the slide on the playground. Not sure where that is in relation to anything else though._

 **Carmilla:** _Hold on._

Laura did, closing her eyes to the rhythm of pounding rain and waiting for Carmilla to text her with further instructions. A good five minutes passed with no response. She started relaxing a little, turning her head away from the mouth of the slide to avoid the gusts of wind. It was dementor weather like she'd never seen. But she was hoping Carmilla would give her a kiss that didn't suck out her soul.

“Laura?” A familiar inquisitive voice yelled up the slide and echoed all around her; Laura's body jumped as her eyes shot open. Down she went. Except she kind of fell backwards, tumbling awkwardly for barely two seconds before landing on top of Carmilla, knocking her onto the ground, and splashing both of them with the water that had collected at the bottom of the slide.

Turning onto her stomach, Laura gave a nervous laugh as she pushed herself up onto her feet. Carmilla followed her, staring at the wet splotch on the crotch of her black skinny jeans. “Sorry,” the freshman groaned. “You scared me. I couldn't hear you coming with all the rain.” Her voice was raised as another blast of wind knocked the girls over a few inches.

Carmilla rolled her eyes but led Laura over to the parking lot where an old black and yellow sports car sat. Laura sped up ahead of her, bouncing on her toes as Carmilla walked (pretty quickly for her broody self) to the door. She unlocked the passenger side and yelled “Get in the back” before slamming the door shut and running to the trunk.

Laura had to maneuver her way around empty beer bottles and a large guitar case, but she finally plopped into the backseat, rubbing her arms up and down. Behind her, there was a creak and a slam before the door opened again and Carmilla slid in with a blanket. Laura hadn't been able to see her clearly before, but now that they were not being drenched, she was so glad she could. Her black hair was damp and dark from the rain, and it covered her eyes and stuck to her face. Her green shirt was clinging to her skin like Laura's hands longed to; she swallowed a gulp when she noticed the shape of Carmilla's chest and the way it was moving with every breath. Drops of water were gliding down her neck and off the ends of her hair, falling into her lap.

“You look terrible,” Carmilla half-smiled when her eyes met Laura's, practically putting the girl into a coma.

Crossing her arms, Laura replied, “It's nice to see you too.” Then, before she could stop herself, she asked, “Where have you been?”

The little smile Carmilla had had fell away. “You didn't text me either,” she retorted, though it lacked the usual bite to her bark.

Unable to muster another comeback between the two of them, they sat in silence. Finally, Laura, ever the journalist, went for another topic. “You said you needed to see me,” she said quietly, hesitating before adding, “Why?”

“I – I don't know,” Carmilla shrugged, tossing the blanket at Laura, who wrapped it over her legs and rubbed her hands together so rapidly she would have started a fire had they not been so wet. Her eyes went to Carmilla again, who was staring at Laura's hands like they were incomprehensible.

With her fingers shaking, Laura lifted one hand to hover by Carmilla's forehead, watching as brown eyes followed every movement. Carmilla tensed unknowingly, but she closed her eyes and lowered her head when Laura gently brushed damp strands of hair back in place.

“How's Danny?” Carmilla asked quietly after a moment, causing Laura to pause and draw her hand back slightly.

“I'd say she's pretty pissed. She threw a tomato at my head this afternoon.” Instantly, rage filled Carmilla's eyes, and they almost looked black in the lack of light. “I told her about us.” Just as quickly, the rage disappeared, and her eyes brimmed with vulnerability and fear.

“Us?” she whispered, as if it were a secret.

“Yes _us_ ,” Laura huffed. “Look, we kissed, and I don't know whether or not that means anything to you, but it means something – ”

“There's still an us?” Carmilla appeared to have registered nothing Laura just said, but that didn't matter now that the younger girl understood.

Putting her hand on Carmilla's knee, she said softly, “Of course there is. If … if you still want there to be.”

Carmilla's eyes were searching hers, both of them helplessly inching closer to the other. Laura licked her lips and watched wide eyes flicker down. Their knees were bumping together, stopping a great deal of physical contact. When Laura glanced around to try and think of an alternative position, she felt Carmilla's hand slide slowly into her hair along her neck. Instinctively, Laura leaned into her touch, closing her eyes as a tear rolled down her cheek. It was all so simple. When she was Carmilla, she could breathe. She wanted to breathe.

“Did I do something wrong?” To her surprise, Carmilla started pulling back, but Laura shook her head quickly and moved a hand up to keep Carmilla's where it was. Her eyes stayed closed – she was too afraid to open them in case more tears fell out – but perfume kept getting closer until finally Carmilla's lips brushed against hers. They were so hesitant, hovering right in front of Laura's so that she could barely feel them. Laura wanted to go for it, but something told her to hold back and take a gentler approach.

This kiss already felt different than their first. Carmilla's defense had vanished, and Laura could feel her lips trembling now. “It's okay,” she whispered. It was barely audible, but it was enough. Carmilla fell into the kiss so gently that Laura had absolutely no idea how to react. Afraid any sudden movements might scare the other girl in her fragile state, she remained still. But God she wanted to touch her, to show her every little detail she'd been imagining for two weeks.

A clap of thunder jolted Laura for a second, and she opened her eyes to see Carmilla a few inches away, leaned as far forward as she could be, her eyes still closed, her mouth slightly ajar, and her fingers buried deep in Laura's hair, scratching lightly at the base of her neck. It was unnerving to see her with her walls down, and Laura felt completely clueless and engulfed with concern. She just had to get Carmilla to relax and to know how desperate she was.

“You know I want this, right?” Carmilla gave an unconvincing jerk of her head, her free hand fidgeting with the rip in her jeans. “I want us. I've thought about it way too much over the past two weeks to be unsure anymore.” Laura slid her fingers over Carmilla's. “There is nothing you can do to make me not want you. Well … I guess … don't murder anyone. Or, like, commit any armed robberies. Actually, I don't think you have to be armed for that to be an alarming situation.” She shook her head, trying to place herself back in the moment, though she seemed to have done something right because the older girl was smiling at her now, fingertips moving playfully back and forth through her hair. “Look, what I'm trying to say is – ” Carmilla pulled her into a quick kiss. When she let go, Laura pouted and groaned. “Why'd you stop?”

“Be patient cutie.” Carmilla smirked, adjusting the blanket so it covered Laura's legs again, shoving her guitar case into the passenger seat, and sliding awkwardly into the space between the front and backseats. Still pretzel-legged, Laura stretched out hoping to make an impossible environment easier. Carmilla was trying to figure out an angle to approach Laura's lips from, but making out in a car is not as easy as everyone seems to think. Finally, Carmilla gave up on perfection and just moved in. The forward motion was sudden and fast, but everything slowed down when she started tilting her head, her nose brushing gently against Laura's before their lips met. Laura's left hand immediately went up to Carmilla's jawline, her thumb brushing over a smooth cheek.

Every movement was slow and cautious as they found their footing. Laura was mostly concerned with keeping Carmilla's lips where they were, so her hand pulled the other girl close, the other useless due to the awkward angle, stuck under Carmilla's stomach as she leaned into the kiss. Carmilla was so worried about keeping her balance and not toppling across the other girl's chest that she didn't even touch Laura. What she did do was slip her tongue against Laura's bottom lip, making her bones quiver and her grip tighten.

The desperation was getting high on both sides, but that didn't mean slow was bad. In fact, Carmilla would never admit it, but she preferred slow. Her blood was screaming inside of her to get closer, and she surrendered, moving her hands to cup Laura's face. Laura followed her lead, slipping her tongue into Carmilla's mouth further than the older girl had dared to go. A small noise escaped from her throat, and she felt Laura's smile against her lips. And that was it. She was sunk.

Carmilla threw the blanket out of the way, half draped over the driver's seat. It was not an elegant movement, but neither one of them cared. Turning back to meet Laura's dizzy eyes, Carmilla cautiously slid her hand down to Laura's back and guided her until she was laying in Carmilla's backseat staring up at her. She bent over the other girl and kissed her again and again until her fear was washed away by the rain.

“Carm?” Her voice was so soft, so urgent, and _fuck_ , that nickname. Only from Laura was that allowed. Only from Laura did Carmilla love it.

“Hm...” She pulled back unwillingly, her fingers brushing the strands of hair that had escaped from Laura's bun behind her ear.

Laura was biting her lip without knowing it, her eyes giving away how nervous she really was. Carmilla kissed her again, never wanting to break it. In the second that she did, Laura mumbled “I need you...” She was cut off by Carmilla going in for a second kiss, though she stopped sooner to let Laura talk.

“What can I do?” she whispered low, still pressed lightly against Laura's lips. From her past experiences, Carmilla was expecting any manner of dirty talk. She didn't get those things with Laura.

“I … I just want...” she gulped, closing her eyes as her cheeks filled with pink. Carmilla had to put all her effort into not falling head-over-heels in love with this girl already. “I want to feel you. Like,” another nervous breath, “not in a dirty way or anything, just...” Carmilla's heart was practically jumping into this girl's hands.

Carmilla leaned in and kissed Laura gently to reassure her. “I can do that,” she promised. Then, without another word, she stumbled her way onto the seat, kneeling as best she could with Laura's leg between hers. Finally, she pressed her body against Laura's and kissed her again. She tilted a little to the side, relying on the seat to keep her weight from crushing the other girl, but still as close as possible. Her hand found the cushion just to the side of Laura's waist, pressing her palm into it until she was sure what Laura wanted.

Laura's fingers were playing with the bottom of her shirt. They were so light Carmilla wouldn't have been able to feel it if not for the rain. Her lips moved gently along Laura's jawline as they whispered, “It's okay, Laura.” When her fingers froze, Carmilla took hers and placed them over smaller ones, holding them in place. “It's okay.”

“Okay,” Laura mumbled as she moved Carmilla's lips back to hers. Once they were kissing again, Carmilla moved her hand off Laura's back to the cushion. Sure enough, one of Laura's finger wrapped through her belt loop while the others held tight to Carmilla's waist. They kissed like this for a little while until Laura stopped, giving Carmilla a curious look. “You know it's okay for you too, right?”

She cleared her throat, avoiding Laura's eyes at all costs. “Yeah, I – I know.” Of course Laura didn't buy it, and this time, her hand pulled Carmilla's onto her waist before tugging her down by the shirt collar for another kiss. Carmilla moaned helplessly, her fingers gripping Laura's hoodie like her life depended on it. Which it kind of did.

They didn't feel much like talking anymore after this. It was all kissing, slow and steady for a while, but eventually, Carmilla couldn't help but pull on Laura's bottom lip with her teeth. She couldn't help but kiss her way down Laura's jawline, along her neck, feeling her pulse. She couldn't help but slide her hands underneath Laura's hoodie, bundling up Laura's tank top in her fists as she felt smooth skin and toned abs.

Laura didn't protest. Every touch of Carmilla's lips to her skin seemed to make her body arch up a little. Carmilla wanted to keep going, to make her scream right there in the car, but as soon as she had the thought, she realized it wasn't right. Immediately, Carmilla's lips found Laura's again, slowing everything back down with that one kiss. When she broke it off, Laura looked light-headed; she was even making tiny noises that supported this hypothesis, driving Carmilla absolutely insane. But before she could say anything, Carmilla brushed their noses together and practically begged, “Please come home with me.”

Laura nodded without a second thought.

 


End file.
